SA politicians return to luxury sleep bunkers until 2014

With votes safely in the bag and no further reason to participate in South African society, politicians from all parties are filing into their luxury underground dormitory-bunkers where they will sleep peacefully until 2014. “So long, suckers!” said one as she slipped into her cryo-tybe and attached a tube to her nose through which she will be fed Johnny Walker Blue Label.

South African politicians are largely nocturnal, appearing briefly for a few nights just before major elections to forage for votes, before disappearing again for another few years.

This year has proved no different, with satisfied political figures seen this morning sleepily picking which pyjamas they will wear and which plush toy they will sleep with until the next elections in 2014.

According to insiders, soothing music is piped into their sleeping chambers and Dire Straits is reportedly a firm favourite.

“That song that goes ‘Money for the nothing and the chicks for free’, that basically sums up being a politician in Mzansi,” yawned ANC backbencher Kikbax Mazibuko.

“The three-year inter-election hyper-sleep is a great chance to dream up future policy,” explained DA MP Deloozhin Naidoo. “Sarafina 2, quiet diplomacy, land reform, Shoot The Boer – all that crazy stuff was dreamt up in the cryo-tube.”

However, said ANC stalwart Stalwart Smallwort, it was sometimes difficult to “shake off the grogginess” after a long sleep, adding that dream and reality could easily blur.

“Take Comrade Julius,” he said. “He’s basically been in REM-sleep since 2007. We don’t shake him or poke him with a knitting-needle because it’s dangerous to wake sleepwalkers.”

Meanwhile many politicians were finding it difficult to go to sleep this year as the excitement of yet another unearned term kept them up past their bed time.

“We’ll give them another five minutes but then it’s lights out,” said ANC Deputy Speaker, Gavel Gumede.

“After all, it is terribly exciting. Imagine you’re in a job you’re not really qualified for and you earn a million bucks a year. For years you do absolutely nothing. Then you get called in by the boss who says you’ve lost three percent of your support-base in the company. But you can keep your job. And you’re getting an inflation-linked raise next year.

“He’s basically employing you for another term to do sweet f*ckall. That pretty much sums up a life in politics. Dude, democracy is the bomb!”

President Jacob ‘The Sandman’ Zuma said he usually went to bed last after telling his politicians a bedtime fairytale.

“The more outlandish and fantastical the better,” smiled Msholozi. “They love The Golden Goose, or as we know it, The Little Taxpayer Who Could; and they also like Helen Zille and the Three Bears, where a stupid white girl steals the resources of three revolutionary woodland animals.”

But, he said, their favourite fairytale was still ‘Together We Can Build Better Communities’.

“It’s just so fantastical that they soon slip away into warm, contented dreamland.”

source:- hayibo.com