Malema ready for war against chickens, hunger, after economic war

 

The ANC Youth League says it is already planning what to wage war against once it has won Julius Malema’s “economic war” against white capital in South Africa, with strategists predicting a total onslaught against the few chickens that will survive the economic meltdown. “We’ll fight anything, really, as long as it keeps us in the headlines,” said one planner.

Malema’s threats, drafted by the ANCYL’s Bureau for Frightening White People So As To Get Into The Sunday Papers, called for South Africa’s landless poor to confiscate whites’ property, and described whites as criminals.

This morning the landless poor said they had heard Malema’s call to arms but remained ambivalent.

“Look, we know he’s just a self-enriching megalomaniac with a nifty turn of phrase,” explained Downtrodden Dube, who has lived in a milk carton since 1974. “But to be honest we’d rather have a self-enriching megalomaniac punting our cause than the usual sound of crickets you get when you mention economic transformation.”

However, the ANCYL denied that it was simply grandstanding.

We are going to take back all the land that is historically ours,” explained spokesman Zanu Phosa. “Mostly in Sandton and Cape Town’s Atlantic seaboard.”

He said that the second phase of the economic war would be to take back “all the luxury German cars that were stolen from our people by the Dutch and British colonialists in the 17th and 18th Centuries”.

When it was suggested to Phosa that a Zimbabwe-style confiscation of white-owned land – and the inevitable flight of white capital – would hurt poor black South Africans far more than whites, he said that “there are always casualties in war, even in a fake vote-buying war”.

"If we have to starve a million blacks to mildly inconvenience a hundred whites, then that is a sacrifice we are willing to make,” he said.

He added that plans were already in place to launch a massive strike against any chickens that survived the future economic meltdown, as part of a war against stabbing hunger pains.

“For too long chickens have strutted around uneaten, flaunting their feathery tendencies,” he said. “But the day is coming when they will pay for their arrogance, when 50-million starving people come for them.”

He said once the chickens and hunger pains had been defeated, the League would declare war on international aid agencies for delivering emergency maize rations in “racist white sacks”, before finally declaring war on the flies that gathered on the lips of the League’s surviving cadres.

Source: hayibo.com