"Vleispasty" (meat pie), my younger, far less attractive sister wants to know why Jacob Zuma hasn't asked for her hand in marriage yet.
With wife number six on the line and the South African tax payer no doubt footing the security, housing and other bills, and with my pudgy little sis notoriously lazy, I can see why she would not mind being the Sunday night chick...unless JZ also rests on that day.
It wouldn't surprise me if he did.
Busy job running a country, keeping your friends out of jail and dancing in traditional gear on national television. By the looks of things on the e tv news report, our commander in (Zulu) Chief could do with less pap and more balance but, who cares frankly when there's consummation to be had and pardons to be extended.
My sister, Mr President, will make a fine wife and add a little bit of vanilla to the harem.
In all fairness I feel I need to warn you, however, that old Vleispasty has always had a bit of a temper and does not take kindly to being told what to do. Added to that she's fiercely feminist and opposed to all manner of useless and /or outdated traditions, which means that next year there will be no beating of a bull if you want to get to know her on a carnal level.
I also think you need to know that she's got zero to absolutely no time for children and their antics. This, of course, means that you will have to close the kindergarten and get rid of half the country's ministers. It also means that "The Hawks" have more chance of doing anything noteworthy than you will have fathering her child.
Just on the topic of "The Hawks" and pardon my digressing, but what have these caged budgies done over the past few months? I've hardly hear a thing bar the latest attempt at halting the merciless crime wave, aka, probing leaks in matric exams.
Is THIS the kind of thing the country's so-called "premiere" law enforcement agency should be spending its time on? I bet that a half-drunk private investigator with bad hair and even worse breath, hailing from Phalaborwa where he was raised by a family of Crocodile hunting nomads could crack the case in half a bottle of Crackling.
Putting the country's "top cops" on the job is a bit like sending a SWAT team to take down a group of pot-smoking teens on matric vac. Don't you think?
I suspect "The Budgies" are in desperate need of publicity and can we expect many meaningless appearances in the media as we build up to the Soccer World Cup.
Afterwards they will no doubt retreat to the crime hotspot of Mandela Square steakhouses where they will plan, plot and discuss the road forward - over tax-payer sponsored cigars and single malt whiskey.
Tough place this Africa...
Anyway Mr Zuma, let me not keep you from your busy schedule. There are breakfasts to be had, state dinners to attend and wives to wed. I am betting you are going to turn at roughly lady number 11, so why not do something for national unity and mix things up - starting with my sister.
She's waiting for your call.
0 comments:
Post a Comment