Football body FIFA says that its gagging of airline Kulula should serve as a warning to other enemies of FIFA's "thousand year football Reich". "Today Kulula, tomorrow the world!" screamed a spokesman at a torchlight rally last night where it was decided that all advertising copywriters would be rounded up and sent east.
Speaking from a FIFA internment camp in eastern Siberia, Kulula spokesman Ramjet Ramotswe said that the airline's marketing department "never stood a chance".
"One moment we were brainstorming over a cappuccino in the break room and the next thing we heard the drone of long-range accountants and a huge PA system blaring out the Rhinemaidens' song from the beginning of Wagner's Götterdämmerung," recalled a traumatized Ramotswe.
Moments later FIFA stormtroopers had rounded up the copywriting team and herded it into trucks bound for Russia.
"We tried telling them that South Africa is our country and that vuvuzelas are a national symbol but an official slapped me with his leather riding gloves, adjusted his monocle, stroked his dueling scar in a menacing way and told me that South Africa has now been incorporated into 'Mother FIFA' and no longer exists," said Ramotswe.
The Red Cross has urged the families of the copywriters not to give up hope, saying that they were trying to work on a deal whereby the copywriters' lives would be spared if they spent the next twenty years writing up-beat and life-affirming commercials for FIFA about how soccer unites the world in love and harmony.
This morning FIFA confirmed that it had relocated the team to Siberia and reminded all South Africans to take down all flags, emblems, badges and graphics that showed allegiance to "the country formerly known as South Africa".
"Anyone who flies the South African flag while blowing a vuvuzela and mentioning the current year is in direct contravention of FIFA copyright laws and will be summarily transported," said spokesman Pele Lebensraum.
"The 2010 World Cup is a time of celebration, love, hope, unity and solidarity, and anyone who disagrees with this will find themselves in a cattle car heading east."
Asked how and when FIFA annexed almost every national symbol in South Africa, Lebensraum said that it had been a simple transaction between itself and the South African government.
"We asked them: 'Do you want to build houses for your people, fix your education system, get your crime problem under control and invest in food security; or do you want to host the World Cup?'
"They were so excited and so busy swallowing drool that they couldn't speak. In the end they just pointed to a soccer ball and made whining noises. So here we are."
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