Malema ready for war against chickens, hunger, after economic war

<p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitD3VTfC96cYeiyKd41PR3__EXRtMwbHrrFC_qOWcTZzmvzKYw6Td_XVwOYFOwIQLl6denwxLIKYFM2-Pz5NOLe4Tz2EHilu9obtArcWF4KilZEzWDViAoYenllTMo072zTQuppF2bIuM9/s1600/chemalema.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitD3VTfC96cYeiyKd41PR3__EXRtMwbHrrFC_qOWcTZzmvzKYw6Td_XVwOYFOwIQLl6denwxLIKYFM2-Pz5NOLe4Tz2EHilu9obtArcWF4KilZEzWDViAoYenllTMo072zTQuppF2bIuM9/s400/chemalema.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The ANC Youth League says it is already planning what to wage war against once it has won Julius Malema’s “economic war” against white capital in South Africa, with strategists predicting a total onslaught against the few chickens that will survive the economic meltdown. “We’ll fight anything, really, as long as it keeps us in the headlines,” said one planner.<br /><br />Malema’s threats, drafted by the ANCYL’s Bureau for Frightening White People So As To Get Into The Sunday Papers, called for South Africa’s landless poor to confiscate whites’ property, and described whites as criminals.<br /><br />This morning the landless poor said they had heard Malema’s call to arms but remained ambivalent.<br /><br />“Look, we know he’s just a self-enriching megalomaniac with a nifty turn of phrase,” explained Downtrodden Dube, who has lived in a milk carton since 1974. “But to be honest we’d rather have a self-enriching megalomaniac punting our cause than the usual sound of crickets you get when you mention economic transformation.”<br /><br />However, the ANCYL denied that it was simply grandstanding.<br /><br />We are going to take back all the land that is historically ours,” explained spokesman Zanu Phosa. “Mostly in Sandton and Cape Town’s Atlantic seaboard.”<br /><br />He said that the second phase of the economic war would be to take back “all the luxury German cars that were stolen from our people by the Dutch and British colonialists in the 17th and 18th Centuries”.<br /><br />When it was suggested to Phosa that a Zimbabwe-style confiscation of white-owned land – and the inevitable flight of white capital – would hurt poor black South Africans far more than whites, he said that “there are always casualties in war, even in a fake vote-buying war”.<br /><br />"If we have to starve a million blacks to mildly inconvenience a hundred whites, then that is a sacrifice we are willing to make,” he said.<br /><br />He added that plans were already in place to launch a massive strike against any chickens that survived the future economic meltdown, as part of a war against stabbing hunger pains.<br /><br />“For too long chickens have strutted around uneaten, flaunting their feathery tendencies,” he said. “But the day is coming when they will pay for their arrogance, when 50-million starving people come for them.”<br /><br />He said once the chickens and hunger pains had been defeated, the League would declare war on international aid agencies for delivering emergency maize rations in “racist white sacks”, before finally declaring war on the flies that gathered on the lips of the League’s surviving cadres.<br /><br />Source: hayibo.com</span><p>

Malema ready for war against chickens, hunger, after economic war

  The ANC Youth League says it is already planning what to wage war against once it has won Julius Malema’s “economic war” against white cap...

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School-leavers fully prepared for unemployment, says Education Department

<p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="color: #990000;"><strong>The national Department of Education has hailed as a “runaway success” more than a decade of outcomes-based education, theoretical cul-de-sacs, wholesale cooking of results and being held hostage by robber-barons posing as teachers’ unions, saying that school-leavers are finally being adequately prepared for a lifetime of unemployment.</strong></span></span></span><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXju98j9D4FV_18HpZSa3bpYmArOVzx65tg1TyQVEEpG9I9Fi1wk6jcGqS92lVMCXsWHNVyOPik-ArZDrKB3pSkyX92n873wZKr9KRa0lx7ouAyrTVXNWrFsyk9CckKcbHv4XeS0Xgdef6/s1600/DrunkStudents6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="462" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXju98j9D4FV_18HpZSa3bpYmArOVzx65tg1TyQVEEpG9I9Fi1wk6jcGqS92lVMCXsWHNVyOPik-ArZDrKB3pSkyX92n873wZKr9KRa0lx7ouAyrTVXNWrFsyk9CckKcbHv4XeS0Xgdef6/s640/DrunkStudents6.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /><span style="font-size: small;">This morning Suxtobiyu Khumalo, head of the department’s Committee for Planning Potential Education Outcomes That Result Potentially from Planning By Committee, said that South Africa could now consider itself a world leader in providing school-leavers with the critical lack of non-skills they needed to be competitively uncompetitive in today’s over-saturated unemployment market.<br /><br />“Like the academically disinclined 22-year-old in Matric, our motto is: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” said Khumalo. “You know, like the national education policy for the last five years: do the same thing every year and hope for exponentially improving results, and when those don’t happen, do the same thing again, except this time make disappointed comments in the Sunday newspapers before you get redeployed as Deputy Minister of Forestry.”<br /><br />According to Khumalo, the Committee’s research had concluded that traditional education was too focussed on equipping students for productive, professional careers.<br /><br />“Everybody knows that unemployment is a growth industry at the moment, and if you’re going to get in on the ground floor – or in the gutter, where many of our finest graduates now find themselves – you’ve got to plan accordingly.”<br /><br />He said that as a result, most schoolchildren in South Africa were now placed in “post-school simulation scenario role-play simulations – did I already say ‘simulation’?”<br /><br />“We provide a totally realistic model of their careers as unemployed people,” he explained. “They sit in dark, overcrowded rooms, and are sporadically shouted at, ordered around or molested by people in leadership positions.”<br /><br />He said many graduates had written to him, often in soot scribbled on UIF forms, thanking him for preparing them for the realities of modern South Africa.<br /><br />“At least I think they were thanking me,” he said. “Or maybe they were asking for medical attention and emergency rations. That’s the great thing about Outcomes-based Education: you can totally make up your own mind about stuff.”<br /></span></span><br /><em><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.hayibo.com/school-leavers-fully-prepared-for-unemployment-says-education-department/">Source</a></span></em><p>

School-leavers fully prepared for unemployment, says Education Department

The national Department of Education has hailed as a “runaway success” more than a decade of outcomes-based education, theoretical cul-de-sa...

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Malema: I just wanted to feel what it was like to be white

<p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ktrkJDX7aYdergdot3FG5qEUzkJ-_LqCgPC20X1adgJAWTZiZQ6XcL2zyn5Ee1oyjJVb42XTImGsyt4ZUCoM96XuiahoaGxxhit_v7VBcNl_LwlRb-UEIRVEHzmskX1bdrOX590EGg7m/s1600/juju9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ktrkJDX7aYdergdot3FG5qEUzkJ-_LqCgPC20X1adgJAWTZiZQ6XcL2zyn5Ee1oyjJVb42XTImGsyt4ZUCoM96XuiahoaGxxhit_v7VBcNl_LwlRb-UEIRVEHzmskX1bdrOX590EGg7m/s320/juju9.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000; font-size: small;"><strong>The ANC Youth League says that weekend revelations about Julius Malema’s trust fund were not a surprise to them and that they shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone else. “Julius lives according to an ancient Pedi custom which says you shouldn’t judge a man until you have strolled a stretch in his sandals,” said spokesperson Fistful Mdala. “He is just trying to experience what it is like to be white.”</strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mdala added that aside from the trust fund, Malema had also acquired a farm so that he could research the pros and cons of land grabs from both sides.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It might look bad now,” said Mdala, “But this way when Julius puts his arm around the shoulders of a farmer who has just had his land seized by a 20 year old war veteran, and tells him that he knows how it feels, he really will know.”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mdala said that aside from the trust fund and the farm, Malema had been exploring several other white tendencies that the paper had failed to report.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Julius also has a maid called Gladys who comes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He hangs out at organic markets on Saturday’s, watches rugby and wears veldskoens. ”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He added that Malema had toyed with the idea of living in a squat in Wimbledon for a while to ensure that he got the complete ‘white experience’ but that in the end he had not been that desperate to get the full experience.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When it was explained that having the Trust Fund was not the issue – that it was rather a case of where the money came from – Mdala said, “Exactly!”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He added, “We have no issue with the privately educated white youth, who take gap years between their gap years instead of calling themselves unemployed and similarly nobody should take issue with future President Malema for being similarly comfortable.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“The problem is with the dads and granddads, who exploited the poor black masses to make their fortunes.”</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He said that in this regard the Youth League were delighted that Malema had mimicked the white experience perfectly.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Meanwhile asked to offer an adult opinion on the matter the ANC said that trust funds were standard procedure for high ranking members who were not elected. “It’s why we like being in an alliance with the SACP and COSATU,” said spokesperson Luscious Mpundu.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“For each position one of them fills, there’s another one of us in the queue at Capitec waiting to open a family trust.”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He said it was common knowledge within the ANC that it was far more profitable to operate from an unelected position.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“What good is influence and populist rhetoric if you don’t back it up with a trust fund?” he asked.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em><a href="http://www.hayibo.com/malema-i-just-wanted-to-feel-what-it-was-like-to-be-white/">Source</a></em></span><p>

Malema: I just wanted to feel what it was like to be white

The ANC Youth League says that weekend revelations about Julius Malema’s trust fund were not a surprise to them and that they shouldn’t hav...

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SA politicians return to luxury sleep bunkers until 2014

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJmyUPqpOCZ-_dou-fcVbO3TKAjYpz0Lci322HCChzyen02GRONOHGVsCLv7YMPCYbIc34o3j-YQ8MMJpqDfnEkSl6bPpCJ0LNd2s-iF99vgKhABA-X98Exd4fZNudSKsMrToLDkHAAfU3/s1600/zuma%252Bmalema+2014.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5610835401218601186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJmyUPqpOCZ-_dou-fcVbO3TKAjYpz0Lci322HCChzyen02GRONOHGVsCLv7YMPCYbIc34o3j-YQ8MMJpqDfnEkSl6bPpCJ0LNd2s-iF99vgKhABA-X98Exd4fZNudSKsMrToLDkHAAfU3/s400/zuma%252Bmalema+2014.jpg" style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:130%;">With votes safely in the bag and no further reason to participate in South African society, politicians from all parties are filing into their luxury underground dormitory-bunkers where they will sleep peacefully until 2014. “So long, suckers!” said one as she slipped into her cryo-tybe and attached a tube to her nose through which she will be fed Johnny Walker Blue Label.<br /><br />South African politicians are largely nocturnal, appearing briefly for a few nights just before major elections to forage for votes, before disappearing again for another few years.<br /><br />This year has proved no different, with satisfied political figures seen this morning sleepily picking which pyjamas they will wear and which plush toy they will sleep with until the next elections in 2014.<br /><br />According to insiders, soothing music is piped into their sleeping chambers and Dire Straits is reportedly a firm favourite.<br /><br />“That song that goes ‘Money for the nothing and the chicks for free’, that basically sums up being a politician in Mzansi,” yawned ANC backbencher Kikbax Mazibuko.<br /><br />“The three-year inter-election hyper-sleep is a great chance to dream up future policy,” explained DA MP Deloozhin Naidoo. “Sarafina 2, quiet diplomacy, land reform, Shoot The Boer – all that crazy stuff was dreamt up in the cryo-tube.”<br /><br />However, said ANC stalwart Stalwart Smallwort, it was sometimes difficult to “shake off the grogginess” after a long sleep, adding that dream and reality could easily blur.<br /><br />“Take Comrade Julius,” he said. “He’s basically been in REM-sleep since 2007. We don’t shake him or poke him with a knitting-needle because it’s dangerous to wake sleepwalkers.”<br /><br />Meanwhile many politicians were finding it difficult to go to sleep this year as the excitement of yet another unearned term kept them up past their bed time.<br /><br />“We’ll give them another five minutes but then it’s lights out,” said ANC Deputy Speaker, Gavel Gumede.<br /><br />“After all, it is terribly exciting. Imagine you’re in a job you’re not really qualified for and you earn a million bucks a year. For years you do absolutely nothing. Then you get called in by the boss who says you’ve lost three percent of your support-base in the company. But you can keep your job. And you’re getting an inflation-linked raise next year.<br /><br />“He’s basically employing you for another term to do sweet f*ckall. That pretty much sums up a life in politics. Dude, democracy is the bomb!”<br /><br />President Jacob ‘The Sandman’ Zuma said he usually went to bed last after telling his politicians a bedtime fairytale.<br /><br />“The more outlandish and fantastical the better,” smiled Msholozi. “They love The Golden Goose, or as we know it, The Little Taxpayer Who Could; and they also like Helen Zille and the Three Bears, where a stupid white girl steals the resources of three revolutionary woodland animals.”<br /><br />But, he said, their favourite fairytale was still ‘Together We Can Build Better Communities’.<br /><br />“It’s just so fantastical that they soon slip away into warm, contented dreamland.”</span><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><em>source:- hayibo.com<br /></em></span></p>

SA politicians return to luxury sleep bunkers until 2014

With votes safely in the bag and no further reason to participate in South African society, politicians from all parties are filing into the...

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‘Shoot The Politician’ to be new hit struggle song

<p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwsnmlVxnCCXEfPMsbD0tjEZwhtWKsxM6UnsRAeUHyHYU7XZz2nlm3XmaTAoNIR3d-aLWhXS2W6-Grh0rD64zdt1No0i3QpcsSLXVzdyHJsE1uLtGYFp7agWC2zItAKKZ2SajjRjzljsxX/s1600/motivator-democracy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="512" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwsnmlVxnCCXEfPMsbD0tjEZwhtWKsxM6UnsRAeUHyHYU7XZz2nlm3XmaTAoNIR3d-aLWhXS2W6-Grh0rD64zdt1No0i3QpcsSLXVzdyHJsE1uLtGYFp7agWC2zItAKKZ2SajjRjzljsxX/s640/motivator-democracy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A catchy new struggle song, ‘Shoot the politician’, has been hailed by the 20-million South African voters who get nothing in return for their vote. “If ‘Shoot The Boer’ refers to a struggle against a corrupt anti-democratic system rather than being a call for genocide, then MP’s won’t have a problem if we sing ‘Shoot the politician’,” explained a spokesman. “Ain’t democracy a bitch?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Meanwhile some white farmers have expressed “slight discomfort” at their taxes being used to pay for Julius Malema’s hate speech defence.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Call us reactionary counterrevolutionaries,” said farmer Ploeg Spoeg-Kroeg, “but doesn’t it strike anyone else as a bit odd that we’re paying lawyers to defend Julius’s right to call for us to be murdered?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, most legal experts have agreed that the song ‘Shoot the Boer’ is not a call for actual murder but a call to arms against the repressive apartheid regime, a verdict that has been welcomed by the writers of the new hit struggle song, ‘Shoot the politician’.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“When we sing, ‘Shoot the politician, blow the corrupt thieving complacent racist motherf*cker away’, we’re actually just calling for greater accountability,” explained songwriter Stratocaster Semenya. “Or maybe we aren’t, but that all depends on what the lawyers say. And how much longer our patience holds out.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He said that references to specific people were also harmlessly metaphorical.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“The second verse goes, ‘Shoot Sicelo Shiceka, shoot him in the ass with buckshot made of diamonds, then rub wasabi paste onto his perforated ass, then shoot him in the ass again, don’t worry, he’s got medical aid’.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Obviously in this case he is just a metaphor for all the criminally insane MPs who use taxpayers’ money to visit their girlfriends in Swiss jails. So chill. It’s not a threat.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Or is it?”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This morning politicians from across the political spectrum reacted angrily to the song, saying that freedom of speech was nice in theory but when it “blundered with its grubby peasant clogs through the hallowed members-only halls of Parliament and threatened those who account to nobody but God, their bank managers and Jacob Zuma – in ascending orders – then it has gone too far”.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“You can’t go around calling for people to be shot,” said backbencher Filibuster Zuma. “Unless you’re referring to Boere. Or criminals. Or cockroaches. And by cockroaches we mean of course political opponents, and we mean ‘shoot’ in a metaphorical sense. Sort of, depending on the context.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><em>hayibo.com</em></span><p>

‘Shoot The Politician’ to be new hit struggle song

A catchy new struggle song, ‘Shoot the politician’, has been hailed by the 20-million South African voters who get nothing in return for the...

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Election scheduled for April 22, grandiose claims scheduled for April 21

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBvNZ8_Q-kHQAsrvvZQbYIZcVJ5Nl6k2CVJM_A6XuG6tlhuWh_0jwjKauXwIxmhvMV0JS6d_qMcOHrrBfojxXJ4nDTke2fdNpttaZLWd9rNdulmWROsJHosSK4qRDMw7vPBevpUvS3LCk/s1600-h/elections-2009-south-africa.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301682779295766210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBvNZ8_Q-kHQAsrvvZQbYIZcVJ5Nl6k2CVJM_A6XuG6tlhuWh_0jwjKauXwIxmhvMV0JS6d_qMcOHrrBfojxXJ4nDTke2fdNpttaZLWd9rNdulmWROsJHosSK4qRDMw7vPBevpUvS3LCk/s400/elections-2009-south-africa.jpg" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 109px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><strong><span style="color:#cc0000;">Political parties in South Africa have welcomed the announcement of this year's election date and have promised to have their rhetoric in top gear by then. Political analysts have tipped the ANC to produce the most grandiose claims before April 22, but they agree the Democratic Alliance can score an upset with some wild last-minute claims. </span></strong><br /><br />President Kgalema Motlanthe took time off from his busy schedule of being invisible to announce the election date, confirming that April 21 will be the day on which grandiose claims by competing parties reach a crescendo.<br /><br />ANC spokesman Screamer Mkhize said his organization was confident of an overwhelming victory in the rhetorical battle that lay ahead, thanks to a long tradition of flowery rhetoric.<br /><br />"Disciplined cadres can speak uninterrupted for up to nine minutes without drawing breath," said Mkhize.<br /><br />"If we sense that we are about to be interrupted by a counterrevolutionary we simply repeat a word so they can't interject.<br /><br />"The result is that we we we we we we we we we we can eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh claim most of the the the the the the the the the airtime just by sounding eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh as if we are eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh choosing our words very carefully."<br /><br />He said the ANC has been resting Youth League President and rhetorical savant Julius Malema so that he can be on top form by the week of the election.<br /><br />He said he had no idea what Malema would say on April 21, as he wrote his own scripts, usually in crayon on his playroom wall.<br /><br />Malema was not available for comment as he was taking part in a break-dancing competition next to the swings, but insiders believe he will claim that the ANC is the greatest party in the history of the universe, and that if it ever came down to a fight between the ANC, the Ancient Romans and the British Navy of the 1940s, the ANC would win without breaking a sweat.<br /><br />Meanwhile the Democratic Alliance has vowed to up the rhetorical ante by trying to make claims that are not direct attacks on the ANC.<br /><br />Spokesman Worsie Verwoerd said that the party had decided to be much less negative and more forward-looking.<br /><br />"We've realised that we can't just have a platform where all we do is criticize the ANC," he said. "We've got to stand for something, not just against the ANC.<br /><br />"Which is why we in the Not-ANC are looking forward, and therefore away from the ANC, to a not-ANC future in which our non-ANC Youth League children can not vote ANC and get jobs not supplied by the ANC."<br /><br />He added that the DA boasted numerous achievements that could not be matched by any other party.<br /><br />"For example, out of all the party leaders who are white women called Helen, we've got the best one," he said.<br /><br />"Plus nobody else has a better red, white and blue logo, prominently featuring the letters D and A. We've really set the bar very high there." </span><p></p>

Election scheduled for April 22, grandiose claims scheduled for April 21

Political parties in South Africa have welcomed the announcement of this year's election date and have promised to have their rhetoric i...

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After 15 years ANC thinkers make incompetence breakthrough

<p><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:130%;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjueJW34s5voWMYC0-qx4i7uRlqgD6HctSa9EcXHhhZaPzC5H9cz1T2bHfl1BFTzLYIpNQ2pEjSk4Aten5nnEJpsgiGl-rGEGAsEYdag3_q_cMzK47FfSOTEJjDbe8GJ-RvHU9fIEfB-dE/s1600-h/Ballot+paper.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301685620607361570" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjueJW34s5voWMYC0-qx4i7uRlqgD6HctSa9EcXHhhZaPzC5H9cz1T2bHfl1BFTzLYIpNQ2pEjSk4Aten5nnEJpsgiGl-rGEGAsEYdag3_q_cMzK47FfSOTEJjDbe8GJ-RvHU9fIEfB-dE/s400/Ballot+paper.jpg" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 181px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" /></a> <span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PRETORIA. After fifteen years in power the ANC has for the first time threatened to sack non-performing ministers, saying that the groundbreaking concept to stop rewarding incompetence went against everything the new South Africa stood for but was necessary if the ruling party was going to carry out effective purges inside its organization.<br /><br />Speaking to journalists this morning ANC spokesman Yesman Mxenge said that the new concept, called "accountability", had sowed panic and confusion among ANC backbenchers.<br /><br />"The problem is that it's a very high-end concept," said Mxenge. "I'm not sure I understand it myself.<br /><br />"In a nutshell, it's basically that if you don't do the job you're being paid half a million a year to do, you don't get fired.<br /><br />"Wait, no, you do get fired. That's the part that keeps tripping us up."<br /><br />Asked if the new concept had been inspired by discontent from the electorate, Mxenge said that while voters' opinions were very important they were not very important at all.<br /><br />"It's a two-way relationship," he said. "The masses put us here, and we keep the masses there. We're happy with that relationship, and I'm sure they are too."<br /><br />He added that the masses "don't really seem to care" whether ANC politicians were competent or not.<br /><br />"We've won a bigger majority in every election we've contested, despite doubling the number of hours our backbenchers sleep in their offices every year, and quadrupling the catering budget."<br /><br />He said the dramatic breakthrough had come unexpectedly at a meeting of senior party leadership where Jacob Zuma was reading through a list of his enemies in the party and "wondering aloud how he could purge them from the ANC without frightening white business".<br /><br />"Just then Comrade Julius Malema redeployed himself from his playroom into the meeting, pushing one of his toy fire-engines in front of him and making siren sounds, and suggested that they set enemies on fire so that he could put them out with his fire-engine."<br /><br />He said they had discussed the possibility of incinerating opponents but had ultimately decided against it, as there would be significant legal costs involved, as well as a carbon footprint.<br /><br />"That's when they came up with firing," said Mxenge. "It goes counter to everything this country stands for, just firing incompetent people without offering them two years of paid leave, but the purge can't wait.<br /><br />"People. I meant people. Not the purge. The people can't wait."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"></span><p>

After 15 years ANC thinkers make incompetence breakthrough

PRETORIA. After fifteen years in power the ANC has for the first time threatened to sack non-performing ministers, saying that the groundbr...

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Malema not retarded, just 'really into his Wild West puppet-show'

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga85E8JZhbvlwWsF-Xmip__aC3qwnoxnR98-cAv-Qws6qBH4h8AXJoKZD9XHeOHU_x-sOtm57hnUuegjG1xOF1wATvCkb8zDpC2c6XGuBenI8G7LZ1WhYfaxsIZko16QNRMUiH4sWUDik/s1600-h/malema-jullius-baby077.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294286014721516642" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga85E8JZhbvlwWsF-Xmip__aC3qwnoxnR98-cAv-Qws6qBH4h8AXJoKZD9XHeOHU_x-sOtm57hnUuegjG1xOF1wATvCkb8zDpC2c6XGuBenI8G7LZ1WhYfaxsIZko16QNRMUiH4sWUDik/s400/malema-jullius-baby077.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 394px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 260px" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><strong><span style="color:#cc0000;">The ANC has defended Youth League leader and prominent academic Julius Malema, saying his latest outburst in which he accused rival party COPE of being a Western puppet like Zimbabwe's opposition party, is not evidence that he is severely retarded but was instead inspired by his current favourite toy: a Wild West-themed puppet show.</span></strong><br /><br />Malema was widely quoted in the national media yesterday as saying that COPE was being funded by "imperialists" who wanted to "micro-manage Africa" and "take over and exploit our mineral resources", and that they were "no different from the MDC".<br /><br />Asked whether it might not be a good idea for imperialists to micro-manage South Africa, given that the ANC seemed to have no interest in managing it on either a micro- or a macro-scale, Malema excused himself, saying it was time for his pink milk and a nap.<br /><br />This morning the ANC has defended Malema's apparent echoing of Robert Mugabe's paranoid rhetoric.<br /><br />Speaking to journalists inside the Snuki Zikalala Friends of Bulgaria Memorial Sauna, ANC spokesman Trepan Phosa denied that Malema was severely retarded.<br /><br />"One of three things has caused our Young Lion to compare COPE to the MDC and to thereby imply that the ANC is like the Zanu-PF," he said.<br /><br />"Either he is severely retarded, or he is a paranoid racist seeking to perpetuate Africa's death-spiral of endlessly blaming invisible enemies in the West, or he has been misunderstood."<br /><br />He said that the first option was "ludicrous", given the speed with which Malema read Archie comics during policy meetings and the ease with which he has picked up populist rabble-rousing rhetoric about scapegoats and violence.<br /><br />"He's also not a paranoid racist blaming the West for all the ills of Africa. On the contrary, he has a very clear and pragmatic idea of who is responsible: witches and evil magic frogs.<br /><br />"Clearly, then, there has been a misunderstanding."<br /><br />He said that Malema was "somewhat obsessed" with Western puppets since being given a Wild West-themed puppet show a month ago.<br /><br />"It's really quite lovely," said Phosa. "It's got cowboys and Indians, background scenery, everything."<br /><br />"He's always asking us to come and watch his plays, but we don't because he's quite bad. He moves his lips when he does the voices. Although come to think of it he moves his lips when he reads his Archie comics, so maybe he can't help it."<br /><br />He added that people should expect sporadic outbursts about Western puppets from Malema.<br /><br />"It's really all that's on his mind at the moment. Literally.<br /><br />"Perhaps when he gets a new toy he'll make some different allegations. But for now South Africans need to respect Comrade Malema's lifestyle choices, and stop being so mean to him."<br /><br />He asked the media to give Malema his privacy as he was having pink milk until noon, after which it was naptime. </span><p><span style="font-family:arial;"><em><span style="font-size:85%;"><strong><span style="color:#000099;">Source: </span></strong> </span></em></span><a href="http://www.hayibo.com/"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><em>www.hayibo.com</em></span></a> <br /><br /></p>

Malema not retarded, just 'really into his Wild West puppet-show'

The ANC has defended Youth League leader and prominent academic Julius Malema, saying his latest outburst in which he accused rival party CO...

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Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Terrorpatrick Youdaman Lekota

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk2SRU6tcMKOVj9YzPjrBM3dp2UyrPjFsI5fbrKFqeLGAYXq1NEGrAdnDjL3T7Croia6E4if2TiKmxxSGfpt9_-2i9GAsVvCanOlmJTzST6oB00-whslZNQEbXlN7zPOd1q_oMAu3rc_8/s1600-h/lekota_mosiuoa220.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5263290257167557778" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk2SRU6tcMKOVj9YzPjrBM3dp2UyrPjFsI5fbrKFqeLGAYXq1NEGrAdnDjL3T7Croia6E4if2TiKmxxSGfpt9_-2i9GAsVvCanOlmJTzST6oB00-whslZNQEbXlN7zPOd1q_oMAu3rc_8/s400/lekota_mosiuoa220.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 220px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 272px" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PRETORIA. Rebel politician Mosiuoa Lekota says he wall reward loyalty at the polls by adding more vowels to his name because the masses like a chief with a long name. According to Lekota aides, he is likely to rename himself Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Lekota, although pundits agree it will make little difference as his name will still be unpronounceable.<br /><br />Lekota and former Gauteng premier Mbhazima Barney Barnato Shilowa are currently planning their first national conference, where they will try to explain to voters why their policies are completely different from and entirely identical to those of the ANC.<br /><br />"People are still a bit confused," said Lekota spokesman Pipsqueak Sephuma.<br /><br />"They are saying, 'But aren't you the same politicians who got the country into a mess under Thabo Mbeki, and endorsed quiet diplomacy with Mugabe, and denied Aids, and bought weapons while your people starved, and undermined the judiciary, and damaged race relations, and ignored crime?'<br /><br />"But what we're saying is…"<br /><br />"What we're saying is…"<br /><br />He then asked to be excused, saying he had "made a terrible terrible mistake".<br /><br />He is believed to have resigned.<br /><br />However new party organizers say they are confident that their new slogan – "Better The Corrupt And Arrogant Politicians You Know Than The Corrupt And Arrogant Politicians You Don't" – will make a difference at the polls next year.<br /><br />And Lekota has vowed to "give back to the people" by dramatically lengthening his name should the party make serious inroads in Parliament.<br /><br />According to one party insider who did not wish to be named but is believed to be Lekota's auntie Ivy, the politician has "always understood that the masses like chiefs with a long name".<br /><br />"If you can't have a big mshini then you must have a big name," she said, adding that Lekota had always had "something of a crush on Sri Lankan cricketers because they have those wonderful long names".<br /><br />She revealed that Lekota's imaginary friend as a child had been called Nelson Terrorpatrickterrorpatrick Lekotalekotalekota Youdaman Lekota.<br /><br />"That's why he got on so well with Thabo Mbeki," she said. "Thabo also had an imaginary friend. Two, actually. Funny little pixies, one on each shoulder, and they'd tell him what to do and what to say, and he grew to love them very much."<br /><br />Asked what their names had been, she said she thought they might have been called Essop and Aziz Pahad. </span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.hayibo.com/"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><em>http://www.hayibo.com</em></span></a></p>

Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Terrorpatrick Youdaman Lekota

PRETORIA. Rebel politician Mosiuoa Lekota says he wall reward loyalty at the polls by adding more vowels to his name because the masses like...

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Rampage schoolboys to be punished with blacks, normal sized girls

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIlinWGCWGlPG2d4VWM5ohs465RF0VWnugu2zP0a0fQejFsWVKWJujmAewIU3X1qJf5LUzgVHJgC7J8DJKyM-CLE_XIOOZtCPAaXu8B4FNzF8FjsCgoOPjJVFPu7FNszxihoYPJ2blBw/s1600-h/High_School_Girls.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261955344636170386" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIlinWGCWGlPG2d4VWM5ohs465RF0VWnugu2zP0a0fQejFsWVKWJujmAewIU3X1qJf5LUzgVHJgC7J8DJKyM-CLE_XIOOZtCPAaXu8B4FNzF8FjsCgoOPjJVFPu7FNszxihoYPJ2blBw/s400/High_School_Girls.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">CAPE TOWN. An elite Cape Town private school has confirmed that the Matric class that ran amok last week will be punished by making them talk to a black person and appear in public with either a Jew or a Muslim. The schoolboys have been granted a farewell dance but they will not be allowed to take anorexic blonde partners as has been the case since 1903.<br /><br />The school, which has asked Hayibo.com not to name it as its pupils and staff face enough ridicule on a day-to-day basis for having underdeveloped chins, made headlines last week after its senior class ran through the school damaging property and leaving behind lewd graffiti.<br /><br />According to an unnamed source, the violence had included "sexual abuse of a statue of Cecil John Rhodes in the Empire Memorial Quad, and the theft from the Chapel of a ceremonial dominatrix paddle used by headmasters since 1877".<br /><br />This morning the current headmaster, who has been at the school since he was a fetus, said that the perpetrators would be harshly dealt with.<br /><br />"I have instructed Matron to tell Mumsy to communicate it to Crispin the school factotum to tell the boys that we will not tolerate this kind of violence," said the headmaster.<br /><br />"Unless of course it is standard homoerotic bullying sanctioned by the school's governing body, which this wasn't," he added.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPNd_vKIx7yxKLwzEXKSPNvvka2vkmAHyYr9M0_MCJO0laFd4SLFWfcztDfvH4B-bJdo8ijt6yNYRqDEEdREUQ2EWmh1hqeT5W3MfB71EsaaoPzUz_f488ta1nDdRsUzgJfam4GMjFRg/s1600-h/fat-girl-black.jpg"></a><br />He said that the punishment, to be meted out immediately, was intended to give the boys "a taste of real life beyond the ivy-covered walls of our Mother School" and would require them to "approach and speak to, for a period not exceeding half an hour, a genuine black person of African extraction, as well as appearing in a public space with a person of either Hebrew or Mohammedan extraction".<br /><br />However, he said, the most severe punishment would involve the Matric farewell dance.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzHzIhyTVTTr3zV71QK3pwyoA5QnDjK0HsjTv1peXGjsU9SxnH6Iy5UrsU9nMAKYl1tT5SCzD34OnekVZ6fIvAy3U41ZbLaXrzQQwmL9j9fPHW6NQcKRU-pTFKeCDw_G9CiJ4m13g5HAU/s1600-h/delusion.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262125096129471090" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzHzIhyTVTTr3zV71QK3pwyoA5QnDjK0HsjTv1peXGjsU9SxnH6Iy5UrsU9nMAKYl1tT5SCzD34OnekVZ6fIvAy3U41ZbLaXrzQQwmL9j9fPHW6NQcKRU-pTFKeCDw_G9CiJ4m13g5HAU/s400/delusion.jpg" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" /></a><br />He explained that anorexic bottle-blonde women were the norm in the school's community, "understandably, as they are really the only things worth breeding with".<br /><br />However he said that this year the boys would be barred from bringing their regular partners to the dance, and would be required to bring girls who were "disturbingly normal, both in body shape and hair colour".<br /><br />He said that the boys had been nauseated to learn that most women didn't have knee-bones that were wider than their thighs and didn't have shoulder blades that protruded enough to sever bra straps.<br /><br />He added that some of the boys, "the clever, poor ones who are here on scholarships", had encountered "fat brunettes" before, and were often related to them, but he said that the rest of the boys were "severely shocked". However he said the school was beyond sympathy. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0T1n92J1I7kT-ObSVcwHOpty7vKyU_B9FBlCI_oqjLZ-ldMy0xUkpRSeZzgg-7A7ajnDL2ViLtmnkVKTU0HCpTE3ngADKM0Ju_3fb63fQBLfU3lzBZQ0Onl9TtsWPHOYpvjpkDQ_FCsA/s1600-h/skinny-chics.jpg"></a></span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk5-jJ0mNcn4MVfphDVcYM05rywZf5EB5BYkAPunIm85YJ6u3MZ0KJOci1diGiMQl_45tmZDUq4EcTFk8CCjp3AkHeEBscwlP6i7QoZWh9NqYG8gCo9c5-nLOMQozHDhI4-0SDSzyAugw/s1600-h/skinny-knee.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUc4ZL6AxhgeXUoFWNPx4DZiU91FDUc_1Y39TPYH1cVEcR7U3GgPHI6e5HtlnuolvkqtNMd2BBqDE2rT821y1-gW26yvK99Jkz8aFFwmoqZhqxNLEAQXXn5-AtMx1TsU_m_j9K4A3R3WY/s1600-h/youth-culture.jpg"></a>Meanwhile the reaction from the boys' girlfriends has been one of outrage and despair.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-kwzCp5tEx-sxYqr9q0Vz0Jx9qVfr4kFDoNnnJbd7RfpvXFB-pXY-uoYTfjfYV-1WPfXvtQxb9FrPcDtkg4TdY6WG0xVzqaI8pfwAB73bdJ7_7eDqd2uFEihhT5wYMapug-OCIpwG8ro/s1600-h/skinny-school-girl.bmp"></a><br />Tammy Rommel-Hess, 18, of Berchtesgaden Golf Estate in Bishopscourt, said that she and many of her friends had been working on their eating disorders for years, and that it would now all be a waste of countless hours spent hunched over the toilet.</span> </p><p><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">"It was all part of a complex plan," she sobbed.<br /><br />"Go to the Matric Dance, get married, have a son, and a back-up daughter in case the son needs an organ transplant, do modeling, run an art gallery in a mall, and finally emigrate to London."<br /><br />Now, she said, her "dream was in tatters".</span> </p><p></p>

Rampage schoolboys to be punished with blacks, normal sized girls

CAPE TOWN. An elite Cape Town private school has confirmed that the Matric class that ran amok last week will be punished by making them tal...

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Mbeki axed, can now elope to Jamaica with Mugabe

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQpXSP6WtvOzi__eYeWRuR3AyPUZp6qvsAWAKVJECJ-c7w6gHpi7wg9IsL_0zkZAOQSw9Q7h-T0BvuDw6GybfnUVmy76eHdjumXuR7zmZYjYMyZJgprgyQlaQrK7JCHwP9J8byB7nDEeo/s1600-h/mubekimugabe.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5248922182266193074" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQpXSP6WtvOzi__eYeWRuR3AyPUZp6qvsAWAKVJECJ-c7w6gHpi7wg9IsL_0zkZAOQSw9Q7h-T0BvuDw6GybfnUVmy76eHdjumXuR7zmZYjYMyZJgprgyQlaQrK7JCHwP9J8byB7nDEeo/s400/mubekimugabe.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" /></a> <span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PRETORIA. Thabo Mbeki says his dramatic axing as president of South Africa is an opportunity to spend more time with the man he loves, Robert Mugabe. According to the deposed Mbeki, the celebrity couple are likely to spend their autumn years in Jamaica, drinking pina coladas and writing memoirs that will explain why everything is a conspiracy by everyone against everything.<br /><br />Some political analysts feared that the resignation of Mbeki over the weekend would leave a leadership vacuum, but South Africans have responded well, saying that they are used to living in a leaderless, directionless country in which the careers of politicians take precedence over the well-being of citizens.<br /><br />"Nobody has actually been running the country per se since Simon van der Stel was Governor at the Cape in 1691," historian Tacitus Hungwe said this morning.<br /><br />"Shaka did fairly well, but he was limited by resources, the burgeoning colonial presence in Africa, and by being a psychopath with a penchant for disembowelling his cabinet ministers.<br /><br />"The British thought South Africa was a cricket club in Nairobi, and of course the Afrikaner nationalists were less interested in the rule of law than in their policy of paving everything with facebrick and making sure every white family had a Maltese poodle, a golf-ball letter box, and a maid called Gladys."<br /><br />This morning a spokesman for Mbeki and Mugabe, who are affectionately known as Mubeki, asked the public to respect their privacy in "these trying times".<br /><br />He confirmed that after resigning Mbeki had left South Africa immediately to be with Mugabe on his private game farm, a country-sized estate called 'Zimbabwe'.<br /><br />He said that Mbeki had "always found solace and refuge" in 'Zimbabwe', as paparazzi could either not afford batteries for their cameras or were too busy having electrodes attached to their genitals in polling booths to attempt to photograph the former South African president.<br /><br />However he added that Mugabe had recently become "deeply disenchanted with Zimbabwe".<br /><br />"Mr Mugabe has always been clear on one point: if you can't do whatever you want, why do anything at all?"<br /><br />As a result, he said, the couple were seriously discussing eloping to Jamaica where they would be "free of the racists who insist on holding them accountable for misdeeds which they were forced to commit by the racists".<br /><br />He added that they would probably be on their way as soon as Mugabe had withdrawn his retirement savings from the National Treasury.<br /><br />"We're probably looking at about a week," said the spokesman. "The withdrawal is quite a laborious process, what with excavating to the foundations of the Treasury, blasting it free, loading it onto trucks, and so on." </span><p><span style="font-family:arial;color:#cc0000;"><em>Source - </em></span><a href="http://www.hayibo.com/"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><em>www.hayibo.com</em></span></a><br /></p>

Mbeki axed, can now elope to Jamaica with Mugabe

PRETORIA. Thabo Mbeki says his dramatic axing as president of South Africa is an opportunity to spend more time with the man he loves, Robe...

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Zuma camp calls for discipline until 2010, all bets off after that

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFiS5tHQgzwRSyVapJTAD3GKfSHZU-uhNtdK17SOSj74hSTotjHdiKDOhfnmcragpHvN8OqWTDLv2HWMcxSvcJdTWL-i0J-P6FwurfVve16IPdVrubNsp3p9yvvbecQ26TEp_l-EQ6Llc/s1600-h/zuma_article_256622a.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233358236027662274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFiS5tHQgzwRSyVapJTAD3GKfSHZU-uhNtdK17SOSj74hSTotjHdiKDOhfnmcragpHvN8OqWTDLv2HWMcxSvcJdTWL-i0J-P6FwurfVve16IPdVrubNsp3p9yvvbecQ26TEp_l-EQ6Llc/s400/zuma_article_256622a.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PIETERMARITZBURG. Jacob Zuma's camp has asked his militant supporters to show restraint until after the 2010 World Cup so as not to endanger the staging of the event. However once the event was over, said a spokesman, "cadres should feel free to uphold democracy in whatever manner they choose, using whichever projectiles and flammables come to hand."<br /><br />Observers say this is the first time the Zuma camp has made any effort to curb the confrontational rhetoric of the Mkhonto we Sizwe veterans and ANC Youth League members who have vowed to plunge the country into chaos if Zuma is found guilty of corruption, or if he is given his day in court, or not, or something, just because.<br /><br />The reading of the statement was delayed briefly while paramedics treated an elderly woman whose wooden replica AK-47 had become entangled in her leopard-skin bra, leaving her with severe splinter-related injuries.<br /><br />According to the statement it was essential for Zuma's supporters not to do anything that could jeopardize the pension plans of either Zuma or the National Executive Council.<br /><br />"Cadres must understand that the 2010 World Cup is going to make the party and a number of senior comrades extremely rich, and when senior comrades are rich, democracy is rich," read the statement.<br /><br />"We therefore call upon them to behave in a way that goes against their more incendiary democratic urges, and to refrain from performing acts of love for Msholozi that involve threats to kill, eliminate, remove or otherwise terminally inconvenience political opponents."<br /><br />It went on to state that Fifa and European policy-makers were not familiar with South African democratic traditions.<br /><br />"What we call rolling mass action, they call mob justice. What we call lobbying, they call intimidation. What we call the fruits of liberation, they call a bribe."<br /><br />It said that these were "ugly Eurocentric terms", but that they would have to be tolerated for the time being.<br /><br />Meanwhile Zuma's camp has confirmed that it is working on a contingency plan to deal with possible fallout if the World Cup is withdrawn from South Africa at the eleventh hour.<br /><br />Dubbed 'Operation Jump Up And Down', the plan involves "burning some railway carriages, emptying municipal rubbish bins onto pavements, and breaking down the symbols of capitalist greed, such as shop windows and display cabinets of electronics goods stores, cell phone vendors, and branches of American Swiss". </span><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.hayibo.com/">http://www.hayibo.com/</a></span></em></p><p><em><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><br /></p></span></em>

Zuma camp calls for discipline until 2010, all bets off after that

PIETERMARITZBURG. Jacob Zuma's camp has asked his militant supporters to show restraint until after the 2010 World Cup so as not to enda...

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Whites flocking back to SA, most to switch off oven

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkdvkJEOGEBwmAdCczT5TjQ6zV5UCWV0PquG6km74K2M616JKbR8sp1TxgGu8j6q7M-yOIhAGNg9IlQuulaUsnPtXOxU6xyhs5w6LVFxgmlAlSyquaW9X5H5VdPTTt9oisAfm1bGzm4Cw/s1600-h/aplane+landing.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5229334078457412242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkdvkJEOGEBwmAdCczT5TjQ6zV5UCWV0PquG6km74K2M616JKbR8sp1TxgGu8j6q7M-yOIhAGNg9IlQuulaUsnPtXOxU6xyhs5w6LVFxgmlAlSyquaW9X5H5VdPTTt9oisAfm1bGzm4Cw/s320/aplane+landing.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" /></a><br /><p><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PRETORIA. Various organisations trying to lure young white professionals back to South Africa say they are seeing thousands of whites coming back to the country. "Mostly it's because they forgot to switch off the oven before they left," said a spokesman. "Others remember they didn't leave out chunks for the cat. And quite a few have come to fetch their maid."<br /><br />Estimates of how many whites have left South Africa since the 1990s range from 500,000 to one million, excluding the 8,000 in the Free State and the Northern Cape who emigrated to the 18th Century.<br /><br />Antjie Sousboontjie, the spokesperson for Kom Asseblief Huis Toe Julle, an NGO trying to lure whites back to South Africa, admits that those 8,000 are "pretty much gone for good".<br /><br />"But we're still hopeful that the hundreds of thousands in the UK and elsewhere will come home."<br /><br />Sousboontjie said that Kom Asseblief Huis Toe Julle and similar organisations were working tirelessly to persuade expatriate whites to return to the South Africa to help boost skills, create employment opportunities and increase tax revenue.<br /><br />"And most importantly, to make those of us who were left behind feel less scared and alone," she added.<br /><br />She said that her organisation was seeing a spike in the number of returning whites.<br /><br />"It's definitely turned from a trickle into a bit of a flood.<br /><br />"As they settle into their lives and get over initial chaos of the move, they start thinking about what they've left behind.<br /><br />"And that's mostly when they remember that they've left the stove on."<br /><br />She said that her office got up to 500 calls a month from white expatriates in London and New York asking to be put in touch with the local fire department and animal rescue services.<br /><br />However, she said, most callers ultimately came back to sort out the crises themselves.<br /><br />"We've had quite a few coming back to let the cat out or feed the dachshund. Obviously it's usually too late. Just cockroaches and little skeletons wearing collars."<br /><br />But she said some stories had happy endings.<br /><br />"One young man from Shepherd's Bush in London remembered last month that he'd forgotten to pick his gran up from the physiotherapist in Joburg.<br /><br />"She'd been waiting in the heated pool since 2001, and pretty much all the flesh had boiled off her. It was gross, but quite emotional when they recognised each other."<br /><br />Sousboontjie says she has also seen a growing trend of expatriates returning to fetch their maids and gardeners.<br /><br />"There have been some beautiful reunions, tearful young white people embracing Gladys and Elliot or Precious and Wiseman, and begging them to come back to London with them.<br /><br />"A lot of these young people have grown up with maids and gardeners. They just don't know how to cope, so you've got four years of unwashed dishes, un-ironed clothes, and a window-box full of weeds and cigarette stubs."<br /><br />She admitted that a return of "two or three days or however long it takes to bury the cat and track down Precious and Wiseman" was probably not having a major impact on job creation and the sharing of skills, but she remains optimistic.<br /><br />"We must have hope. God knows, it's all we've got. Hope, and empty duplexes for sale next door."<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em><span style="color:#000099;">Source</span>: <a href="http://www.hayibo.com/">www.hayibo.com</a> </em></span></span> <p></p>

Whites flocking back to SA, most to switch off oven

PRETORIA. Various organisations trying to lure young white professionals back to South Africa say they are seeing thousands of whites coming...

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Tax plan to fast-track cash directly to criminals

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNQXy9jKtkW7XK0GdDnPvY0qZy27Ms-9iUmjFC8HX0Ezb4wa9s1VMN6XtOGOmQcXjKwG57kfulimxVQAjb9hWCkcDCXmn-A6XeOIfqzQuP8iVPTeoe5JQuPMLxhZIvmhsY5u2zTinFOo/s1600-h/SARS%2520LOGO.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5229318983279841986" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNQXy9jKtkW7XK0GdDnPvY0qZy27Ms-9iUmjFC8HX0Ezb4wa9s1VMN6XtOGOmQcXjKwG57kfulimxVQAjb9hWCkcDCXmn-A6XeOIfqzQuP8iVPTeoe5JQuPMLxhZIvmhsY5u2zTinFOo/s400/SARS%2520LOGO.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PRETORIA. As tax filing season begins in earnest in South Africa, the SA Revenue Service has announced a groundbreaking initiative which will see it channeling funds directly from taxpayers to corrupt government officials and organized crime bosses. SARS said it would save billion of rands that would otherwise have to be spent on "completely futile" law-enforcement.<br /><br />SARS spokesman Lucretia Fisk said that it was time to cut out the middleman.<br /><br />"It's very expensive being passive in the fight against crime," she said.<br /><br />"South African taxpayers fork out enormous amounts of money every year to pay thousands of police, doctors, judges and coroners, and they're getting a pretty crap return on that investment.<br /><br />"Nobody is naïve enough to believe that crime levels are anywhere close to dropping in the medium term, so it's time to be pragmatic and see what financial disciplines we can apply to a country with no functioning law-enforcement."<br /><br />She said the change in policy would be reflected on this year's SARS forms, which would allow taxpayers to choose which criminal element they would like their tax paid to.<br /><br />She added that SARS offices were happy to deal with any queries.<br /><br />"It can get quite complicated. Blue-collar versus white-collar crime, violent versus non-violent, work-related versus random hit-and-run, and so on. For example, a lot of people want to know if abductions count as deductions."<br /><br />However not all allocations will be voluntary, and Fisk says that a compulsory Corruption Deduction will be included in next year's tax intake.<br /><br />"South Africa loses around R50 billion a year to corrupt public officials.<br /><br />"About 8 million people pay income tax, so we're looking at a deduction of R6,250 per taxpayer."<br /><br />She explained that this amount would be automatically deducted from taxpayers and deposited directly into the personal savings accounts of senior municipal and local government officials.<br /><br />However, she added, taxpayers already stretched beyond their limits could either apply for an amnesty, or could consider becoming criminals themselves to benefit from the new cash infusion.<br /><br />"Tax evasion is a well-established crime with a long and fairly proud tradition," said Fisk.<br /><br />"If you choose not to pay the Corruption Deduction, or indeed any tax at all, we can register you as an Alternative Economic Resource Dependant, and whether you were Previously Disadvantaged or not we will assign you with official Currently Advantaged status, and you should get your first cheque about two months after filing."<br /><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color:#000099;">Source:</span> <a href="http://www.hayibo.com/">www.hayibo.com</a> </span></em></span> <p></p>

Tax plan to fast-track cash directly to criminals

PRETORIA. As tax filing season begins in earnest in South Africa, the SA Revenue Service has announced a groundbreaking initiative which wil...

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Eskom phones in with latest ransom demands

<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGBAXceKVA6noo1gmvcxW_Mc9K8kIOJq0FShcZdq62pSLXrYcnSXHg6UVnw65nuA4ugfDMPj0Uqkt4kYczaoy5aBDFInxulYRNaX0eYh5hNy7qzYuzly4gqdSkuhtOtR6zqSljojLRBtI/s1600-h/eskom.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228561903778497954" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGBAXceKVA6noo1gmvcxW_Mc9K8kIOJq0FShcZdq62pSLXrYcnSXHg6UVnw65nuA4ugfDMPj0Uqkt4kYczaoy5aBDFInxulYRNaX0eYh5hNy7qzYuzly4gqdSkuhtOtR6zqSljojLRBtI/s400/eskom.gif" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PRETORIA. After months of inactivity and minimal load-shedding, rogue utility company Eskom has come out of hiding to deliver its latest demands.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:130%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">According to a government spokesman, Eskom called in using a disposable SIM card, demanding R5 billion in unmarked R50 notes and threatening to black out the country again if it saw any police at the drop-off point.<br /><br />Energy analysts and government investigators say they were just minutes away from locating and pinning down the elusive electricity provider earlier this year, after it kept shutting down the national power grid while providing increasingly unlikely explanations.<br /><br />But a high-speed car-chase in the badlands around Megawatt Park in March ended in failure as the fleeing Eskom threw a blunt object – Alec Erwin – into the path of pursuers, causing a blowout and ending all hopes of a speedy arrest.<br /><br />However this morning's call by Eskom has given investigators fresh hope.<br /><br />According to the spokesman Eskom had sounded "a little older and a little more tired" than since the last time it called in with demands.<br /><br />"The caller simply said, 'This is Eskom. If you ever want to see your television again, or have sex with the lights on, leave R5 billion in unmarked R50 bills in the boot of a rental car in the parking garage of O.R. Tambo International.'"<br /><br />Meanwhile bounty hunter Boudewijn Boje says he is surprised to hear from Eskom again.<br /><br />"When the trail went cold we thought it was all over," he told journalists this morning. "When we went over Alec Erwin, and we looked down and checked his little comb-over sticking out from under the smashed axel, I really thought Eskom had got away with the perfect crime."<br /><br />He says he can't understand why Eskom would try to wring even more money out of consumers after having "pulled off the heist of the century" in February when Trevor Manuel announced his national budget for the year.<br /><br />"It was awesome," said Boje.<br /><br />"You black out the country, demand billions from government to switch the lights back on, and they pay, just like that.<br /><br />"And nobody asked any questions. Nobody said, 'Wait a sec, china, how come the power is back on? How come we haven't had load-shedding now, in the coldest part of the year, with Koeberg down, and no new power stations built?'<br /><br />"It was flippin' genius, china.<br /><br />"They turned an on-off switch into a license to print money. It makes you flippin' proud to be a South African."<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em><span style="color:#000099;">Source:</span> <a href="http://www.hayibo.com/">www.hayibo.com</a> </em></span></span><br /></p><p></p>

Eskom phones in with latest ransom demands

PRETORIA. After months of inactivity and minimal load-shedding, rogue utility company Eskom has come out of hiding to deliver its latest dem...

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ANC defends disbanding Scorpions to ease SAPS caseload

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOyAnqGQ_VaudWevKI_XcLzcuB49MRenmAEWAdoFWdhzOo0xQYNqVoQSLkW6PjptqK6cTiWhF_v7nakhQ8o1xSzijrkq33UTTA4ChoU1-s4U9E93eYwKJqurvI4aHl5slWua52bjjqV2w/s1600-h/pvtinvest.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226710752756834594" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOyAnqGQ_VaudWevKI_XcLzcuB49MRenmAEWAdoFWdhzOo0xQYNqVoQSLkW6PjptqK6cTiWhF_v7nakhQ8o1xSzijrkq33UTTA4ChoU1-s4U9E93eYwKJqurvI4aHl5slWua52bjjqV2w/s400/pvtinvest.gif" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;">PRETORIA. The ANC says the disbanding of Scorpions will help prop up a police force buckling under a spiraling caseload. According to the Ministry of Safety and Security there are 138,000 police officers in the country, of whom 137,000 are dedicated to clearing roads and pavements ahead of ANC motorcades, leaving only 1,000 offers to fight crime.<br /><br />Speaking at a ministerial lekgotla called 'Criminals: Are They Really All Bad Or Are They Just Potential ANC Youth League Cadres?', Deputy Minister of Safety and Security Harpic Ntsebeza said it was no longer viable to give a unit like the Scorpions special treatment.<br /><br />"It is completely unacceptable that these alleged crime-fighters sit in offices in comfy chairs, reading evidence and interviewing suspects, while the brave men and pretty girls of the SA Police Service face the dangers of limousine escort patrols," said Ntsebeza.<br /><br />He explained that these dangers included "getting out of breath, tripping over an orange safety cone and being crushed under the weight of a colleague, and being looked at in a hostile manner by members of the public who don't understand what a privilege it is to be stopped for ten minutes at a traffic intersection to allow a Party limousine to come through".<br /><br />He added that the remaining 1,000 officers not currently on limousine duty were "not making immediate inroads into the criminal element", but commended them for their dedication.<br /><br />"The surviving officers, and those not actively hijacking cars or blowing up ATMs, are doing fantastic work for their communities."<br /><br />Earlier this year ANC secretary general Gwede Mantashe was widely quoted in the media as saying it was "ridiculous" that the Scorpions had 600 investigators to follow up 325 cases per year.<br /><br />However he and other ANC officials have refused to comment on the Scorpions' conviction rate, which is approximately 8,000 percent higher than Police success rates.<br /><br />But Ntsebeza broached the issue at the briefing.<br /><br />"The public needs to understand something. Good policing is not about convictions. It's about dockets. Visible dockets.<br /><br />"The more dockets there are, stacked in piles around police stations and spilling out filing cabinets and onto the floor, the safer the public feels."<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em><span style="color:#000099;">Source:</span> <a href="http://www.hayibo.com/">www.hayibo.com</a> </em></span></span><br /><p><br /></p></div>

ANC defends disbanding Scorpions to ease SAPS caseload

PRETORIA. The ANC says the disbanding of Scorpions will help prop up a police force buckling under a spiraling caseload. According to the Mi...

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Second Johannesburg Airport just for burning stolen luggage

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXfqul1PqFdROO-J8ANWQLGzwkk6MvbJnck5pviy1t7BL89aqquDmlKWsnVzSDsGpSCGZf3Pfc-k4vhjtgPt-k19cy1rNPdyWVTpxo_0oKEXjANg-ljFFT7cnt3FCFAnkaHujMei2i5p8/s1600-h/bigblackwomaninthong-1.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226335046697634114" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXfqul1PqFdROO-J8ANWQLGzwkk6MvbJnck5pviy1t7BL89aqquDmlKWsnVzSDsGpSCGZf3Pfc-k4vhjtgPt-k19cy1rNPdyWVTpxo_0oKEXjANg-ljFFT7cnt3FCFAnkaHujMei2i5p8/s320/bigblackwomaninthong-1.jpg" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" /></a><br /><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiopcAzJnmeUCN5pQSsyiMSh-1i6IUwYoqMGijIAc41ik-ZbNr4SVQBpZRJz9L40AOTicpttuq6bzVyAPpUq1sGp0vUo6MNV1Iz4T_nS_muB_RiybU0iw1qha62OZFVYP3DHzBFYQ0DXWE/s1600-h/blackface.bmp"></a><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><em><span style="font-size:85%;">Hayibo.com</span></em><br /><br />JOHANNESBURG. Gauteng officials have confirmed that the proposed second airport to be built in Johannesburg will be used exclusively for burning luggage looted by staff at O.R. Tambo International Airport. "People hate seeing that their bags have been forced open and their valuables stolen," said a spokesman. "This way they won't have to see that."<br /><br />Speaking to the media at the launch of the design for the new airport, engineers and Gauteng legislators said that the country's morale was at an all-time low, and that the design had been a pro-active way of trying to address this.<br /><br />"South Africans are sick and tired of the institutionalized theft that happens at all levels of society," said Transport MEC Hilux Lentswe.<br /><br />"We don't want to see it any more. Which is why incinerators are the obvious solution."<br /><br />He added that the incinerators would also be a highly effective cost-cutting strategy.<br /><br />"If there's no evidence of a crime, you don't have to launch costly investigations and prosecutions.<br /><br />"Plus, all gold, silver and platinum overlooked by airport baggage handlers will be automatically melted down into ingots and sold to bulk up executive bonuses, saving the taxpayer millions they would otherwise have had to cough up."<br /><br />Engineer Baksteen Malan, whose Halala JayZee Viva Msholozi firm won the tender to build the new airport, said that the challenges of disposing of thousands of tons of slightly damaged suitcases every week had posed interesting problems for architects and engineers.<br /><br />"In an operation like this time is crucial," he said. "You've got passengers over at O.R. Tambo who are the moer in, you've got people phoning police and threatening to sue airlines, and over here you've got 25,000 Samsonite suitcases with crowbar marks on them and a hell of a lot of lace panties that haven't been stolen because they were too small to fit the handler who nationalized the rest of the contents.<br /><br />"In short, you've got to get those cases off the plane and into the incinerators in under five minutes, or you're going to have police and the Democratic Alliance all over you."<br /><br />However, he added, it was "amazing what you can do with conveyor belts, jet-fuel and a Zippo nowadays".</span><br /><p></p>

Second Johannesburg Airport just for burning stolen luggage

Hayibo.com JOHANNESBURG. Gauteng officials have confirmed that the proposed second airport to be built in Johannesburg will be used exclusiv...

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