South Africa P.I.G.: HUMOR

Showing posts with label HUMOR. Show all posts

...because humor is mandatory

...because humor is mandatory

Piano Player - Sing us... uh play us... a song you're the piano man... That's talent! Playing the piano without using the fingers.

11:07 AM

... because humor is mandatory

... because humor is mandatory

4:14 AM

ANC MPs quit posts to join Obama

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Sx9D8OypGIlJNOwbHpwrAX56imxALzizcRzcXQXrhswxpmzre4l5EOcwEzfP9t53KtD25_nve6h8DsB86tnF_tNdN3TJ-RMbPM_hRvukwIyIeJJONbAIu6Ib2LpZKmeLoIvZBPqoha4/s1600-h/obama-star.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5265249464933138658" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Sx9D8OypGIlJNOwbHpwrAX56imxALzizcRzcXQXrhswxpmzre4l5EOcwEzfP9t53KtD25_nve6h8DsB86tnF_tNdN3TJ-RMbPM_hRvukwIyIeJJONbAIu6Ib2LpZKmeLoIvZBPqoha4/s400/obama-star.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 299px" /></a>PRETORIA. Leading ANC politicians have ended speculation about their future, announcing that they will travel to the US to seek senior positions in Barack Obama's new cabinet. The rebel politicians said they had delayed their decision until a clear and powerful winner had emerged, adding that Obama was now somewhat more powerful than Jacob Zuma. Addressing the media at OR Tambo International Airport this morning, a spokesman for the contingent of ANC politicians said that Obama's win had put the current power struggle in South Africa in perspective. "Every South Africa politician understands that the first duty of a public servant is to serve his own financial interests," said spokesman Mandrax Phiri. "We are 100 percent loyal to Comrade Jacob Zuma, but he will understand that we are also 110 percent loyal to our pensions." He said that ultimately firepower had also been a consideration. "Every true patriot knows that wonderful anthem 'Awlethu Mshini Wam'," said Phiri. "But the reality is that in January Mr Obama will be given the launch codes, and you can't really compare 'Awlethu Mshini Wam' with 'Awlethu Nuclear Warheads Wam'." He conceded that the ANC faction was taking a risk in buying one-way tickets to Washington, but said he was confident that they had the skills to secure high-paying consulting jobs in the Obama administration. "This is Obama's honeymoon period," said Phiri. "He can do no wrong. "But that will change. He'll get corrupt, and he'll lie, and he'll backtrack, and he'll deny. "And when he does he'll need experienced people who have spent years deflecting criticism, denying wrongdoing, covering up corruption, and accusing critics of being racists. E voila! "It's a license to print money. Amandla Obama! Viva Green Card Viva!" <a href="http://www.hayibo.com/articles/view/901">OBAMA '08: ANC MPs quit posts to join Obama </a>

ANC MPs quit posts to join Obama

PRETORIA. Leading ANC politicians have ended speculation about their future, announcing that they will travel to the US to seek senior posit...

8:18 AM

Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Terrorpatrick Youdaman Lekota

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk2SRU6tcMKOVj9YzPjrBM3dp2UyrPjFsI5fbrKFqeLGAYXq1NEGrAdnDjL3T7Croia6E4if2TiKmxxSGfpt9_-2i9GAsVvCanOlmJTzST6oB00-whslZNQEbXlN7zPOd1q_oMAu3rc_8/s1600-h/lekota_mosiuoa220.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5263290257167557778" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk2SRU6tcMKOVj9YzPjrBM3dp2UyrPjFsI5fbrKFqeLGAYXq1NEGrAdnDjL3T7Croia6E4if2TiKmxxSGfpt9_-2i9GAsVvCanOlmJTzST6oB00-whslZNQEbXlN7zPOd1q_oMAu3rc_8/s400/lekota_mosiuoa220.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 220px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 272px" /></a>PRETORIA. Rebel politician Mosiuoa Lekota says he wall reward loyalty at the polls by adding more vowels to his name because the masses like a chief with a long name. According to Lekota aides, he is likely to rename himself Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Lekota, although pundits agree it will make little difference as his name will still be unpronounceable. Lekota and former Gauteng premier Mbhazima Barney Barnato Shilowa are currently planning their first national conference, where they will try to explain to voters why their policies are completely different from and entirely identical to those of the ANC. "People are still a bit confused," said Lekota spokesman Pipsqueak Sephuma. "They are saying, 'But aren't you the same politicians who got the country into a mess under Thabo Mbeki, and endorsed quiet diplomacy with Mugabe, and denied Aids, and bought weapons while your people starved, and undermined the judiciary, and damaged race relations, and ignored crime?' "But what we're saying is…" "What we're saying is…" He then asked to be excused, saying he had "made a terrible terrible mistake". He is believed to have resigned. However new party organizers say they are confident that their new slogan – "Better The Corrupt And Arrogant Politicians You Know Than The Corrupt And Arrogant Politicians You Don't" – will make a difference at the polls next year. And Lekota has vowed to "give back to the people" by dramatically lengthening his name should the party make serious inroads in Parliament. According to one party insider who did not wish to be named but is believed to be Lekota's auntie Ivy, the politician has "always understood that the masses like chiefs with a long name". "If you can't have a big mshini then you must have a big name," she said, adding that Lekota had always had "something of a crush on Sri Lankan cricketers because they have those wonderful long names". She revealed that Lekota's imaginary friend as a child had been called Nelson Terrorpatrickterrorpatrick Lekotalekotalekota Youdaman Lekota. "That's why he got on so well with Thabo Mbeki," she said. "Thabo also had an imaginary friend. Two, actually. Funny little pixies, one on each shoulder, and they'd tell him what to do and what to say, and he grew to love them very much." Asked what their names had been, she said she thought they might have been called Essop and Aziz Pahad. <a href="http://www.hayibo.com/">http://www.hayibo.com</a>

Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Terrorpatrick Youdaman Lekota

PRETORIA. Rebel politician Mosiuoa Lekota says he wall reward loyalty at the polls by adding more vowels to his name because the masses like...

12:48 PM

Rampage schoolboys to be punished with blacks, normal sized girls

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIlinWGCWGlPG2d4VWM5ohs465RF0VWnugu2zP0a0fQejFsWVKWJujmAewIU3X1qJf5LUzgVHJgC7J8DJKyM-CLE_XIOOZtCPAaXu8B4FNzF8FjsCgoOPjJVFPu7FNszxihoYPJ2blBw/s1600-h/High_School_Girls.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261955344636170386" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIlinWGCWGlPG2d4VWM5ohs465RF0VWnugu2zP0a0fQejFsWVKWJujmAewIU3X1qJf5LUzgVHJgC7J8DJKyM-CLE_XIOOZtCPAaXu8B4FNzF8FjsCgoOPjJVFPu7FNszxihoYPJ2blBw/s400/High_School_Girls.jpg" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" /></a>CAPE TOWN. An elite Cape Town private school has confirmed that the Matric class that ran amok last week will be punished by making them talk to a black person and appear in public with either a Jew or a Muslim. The schoolboys have been granted a farewell dance but they will not be allowed to take anorexic blonde partners as has been the case since 1903. The school, which has asked Hayibo.com not to name it as its pupils and staff face enough ridicule on a day-to-day basis for having underdeveloped chins, made headlines last week after its senior class ran through the school damaging property and leaving behind lewd graffiti. According to an unnamed source, the violence had included "sexual abuse of a statue of Cecil John Rhodes in the Empire Memorial Quad, and the theft from the Chapel of a ceremonial dominatrix paddle used by headmasters since 1877". This morning the current headmaster, who has been at the school since he was a fetus, said that the perpetrators would be harshly dealt with. "I have instructed Matron to tell Mumsy to communicate it to Crispin the school factotum to tell the boys that we will not tolerate this kind of violence," said the headmaster. "Unless of course it is standard homoerotic bullying sanctioned by the school's governing body, which this wasn't," he added. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPNd_vKIx7yxKLwzEXKSPNvvka2vkmAHyYr9M0_MCJO0laFd4SLFWfcztDfvH4B-bJdo8ijt6yNYRqDEEdREUQ2EWmh1hqeT5W3MfB71EsaaoPzUz_f488ta1nDdRsUzgJfam4GMjFRg/s1600-h/fat-girl-black.jpg"></a> He said that the punishment, to be meted out immediately, was intended to give the boys "a taste of real life beyond the ivy-covered walls of our Mother School" and would require them to "approach and speak to, for a period not exceeding half an hour, a genuine black person of African extraction, as well as appearing in a public space with a person of either Hebrew or Mohammedan extraction". However, he said, the most severe punishment would involve the Matric farewell dance. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzHzIhyTVTTr3zV71QK3pwyoA5QnDjK0HsjTv1peXGjsU9SxnH6Iy5UrsU9nMAKYl1tT5SCzD34OnekVZ6fIvAy3U41ZbLaXrzQQwmL9j9fPHW6NQcKRU-pTFKeCDw_G9CiJ4m13g5HAU/s1600-h/delusion.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262125096129471090" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzHzIhyTVTTr3zV71QK3pwyoA5QnDjK0HsjTv1peXGjsU9SxnH6Iy5UrsU9nMAKYl1tT5SCzD34OnekVZ6fIvAy3U41ZbLaXrzQQwmL9j9fPHW6NQcKRU-pTFKeCDw_G9CiJ4m13g5HAU/s400/delusion.jpg" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" /></a> He explained that anorexic bottle-blonde women were the norm in the school's community, "understandably, as they are really the only things worth breeding with". However he said that this year the boys would be barred from bringing their regular partners to the dance, and would be required to bring girls who were "disturbingly normal, both in body shape and hair colour". He said that the boys had been nauseated to learn that most women didn't have knee-bones that were wider than their thighs and didn't have shoulder blades that protruded enough to sever bra straps. He added that some of the boys, "the clever, poor ones who are here on scholarships", had encountered "fat brunettes" before, and were often related to them, but he said that the rest of the boys were "severely shocked". However he said the school was beyond sympathy. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0T1n92J1I7kT-ObSVcwHOpty7vKyU_B9FBlCI_oqjLZ-ldMy0xUkpRSeZzgg-7A7ajnDL2ViLtmnkVKTU0HCpTE3ngADKM0Ju_3fb63fQBLfU3lzBZQ0Onl9TtsWPHOYpvjpkDQ_FCsA/s1600-h/skinny-chics.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk5-jJ0mNcn4MVfphDVcYM05rywZf5EB5BYkAPunIm85YJ6u3MZ0KJOci1diGiMQl_45tmZDUq4EcTFk8CCjp3AkHeEBscwlP6i7QoZWh9NqYG8gCo9c5-nLOMQozHDhI4-0SDSzyAugw/s1600-h/skinny-knee.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUc4ZL6AxhgeXUoFWNPx4DZiU91FDUc_1Y39TPYH1cVEcR7U3GgPHI6e5HtlnuolvkqtNMd2BBqDE2rT821y1-gW26yvK99Jkz8aFFwmoqZhqxNLEAQXXn5-AtMx1TsU_m_j9K4A3R3WY/s1600-h/youth-culture.jpg"></a>Meanwhile the reaction from the boys' girlfriends has been one of outrage and despair. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-kwzCp5tEx-sxYqr9q0Vz0Jx9qVfr4kFDoNnnJbd7RfpvXFB-pXY-uoYTfjfYV-1WPfXvtQxb9FrPcDtkg4TdY6WG0xVzqaI8pfwAB73bdJ7_7eDqd2uFEihhT5wYMapug-OCIpwG8ro/s1600-h/skinny-school-girl.bmp"></a> Tammy Rommel-Hess, 18, of Berchtesgaden Golf Estate in Bishopscourt, said that she and many of her friends had been working on their eating disorders for years, and that it would now all be a waste of countless hours spent hunched over the toilet. "It was all part of a complex plan," she sobbed. "Go to the Matric Dance, get married, have a son, and a back-up daughter in case the son needs an organ transplant, do modeling, run an art gallery in a mall, and finally emigrate to London." Now, she said, her "dream was in tatters".

Rampage schoolboys to be punished with blacks, normal sized girls

CAPE TOWN. An elite Cape Town private school has confirmed that the Matric class that ran amok last week will be punished by making them tal...

12:11 PM

SA politician’s “most embarrassing moment” viewed more than 70 000 times around the world

A video clip of a politician’s “most embarrassing moment” has been viewed more than 70 000 times around the world. <object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2ChOX9QZiaY&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2ChOX9QZiaY&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> <ul><li><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ChOX9QZiaY">VIDEO: Watch the funniest moment on SABC2 this year!</a> </li></ul>The Times reported yesterday on the toppling of the chairman of parliament’s portfolio committee on finance, Nhlanhla Nene, during an interview on SABC2’s View from the House, broadcast live on Tuesday morning. International broadcasters such as the UK’s BBC and Sky News, and The Daily Telegraph newspaper, US network CNN and a host of bloggers have posted the video on their websites, giving the clip titles such as “SABC takes the chair out of finance chairman”. Nene’s fall has been talked about on radio shows, and local and international viewers have watched his tumble on e-mail, and social networking sites Facebook and YouTube. There are also at least 500 Google listings of the gaffe. The clip shows Nene chatting to presenter Hayde Fitzpatrick about Minister of Finance Trevor Manuel’s mini-budget. Nene’s chair cracked, then collapsed — and he tumbled to the floor. On Talk Radio 702 yesterday morning, Nene said he didn’t “understand why people thought the clip was funny as it was the most embarrassing moment of my life”. Reports that an SABC employee who leaked the clip had been found and punished proved to be untrue. A spokesman for the broadcaster, Kaizer Kganyago, said: “The matter is still being investigated. The allegations that someone internally has been caught for being responsible for leaking the video are not true.”

SA politician’s “most embarrassing moment” viewed more than 70 000 times around the world

A video clip of a politician’s “most embarrassing moment” has been viewed more than 70 000 times around the world. VIDEO: Watch the funniest...

2:48 AM

South Africa P.I.G.