Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Terrorpatrick Youdaman Lekota

PRETORIA. Rebel politician Mosiuoa Lekota says he wall reward loyalty at the polls by adding more vowels to his name because the masses like a chief with a long name. According to Lekota aides, he is likely to rename himself Moiiuoaieiosiouaeuuoia Lekota, although pundits agree it will make little difference as his name will still be unpronounceable.

Lekota and former Gauteng premier Mbhazima Barney Barnato Shilowa are currently planning their first national conference, where they will try to explain to voters why their policies are completely different from and entirely identical to those of the ANC.

"People are still a bit confused," said Lekota spokesman Pipsqueak Sephuma.

"They are saying, 'But aren't you the same politicians who got the country into a mess under Thabo Mbeki, and endorsed quiet diplomacy with Mugabe, and denied Aids, and bought weapons while your people starved, and undermined the judiciary, and damaged race relations, and ignored crime?'

"But what we're saying is…"

"What we're saying is…"

He then asked to be excused, saying he had "made a terrible terrible mistake".

He is believed to have resigned.

However new party organizers say they are confident that their new slogan – "Better The Corrupt And Arrogant Politicians You Know Than The Corrupt And Arrogant Politicians You Don't" – will make a difference at the polls next year.

And Lekota has vowed to "give back to the people" by dramatically lengthening his name should the party make serious inroads in Parliament.

According to one party insider who did not wish to be named but is believed to be Lekota's auntie Ivy, the politician has "always understood that the masses like chiefs with a long name".

"If you can't have a big mshini then you must have a big name," she said, adding that Lekota had always had "something of a crush on Sri Lankan cricketers because they have those wonderful long names".

She revealed that Lekota's imaginary friend as a child had been called Nelson Terrorpatrickterrorpatrick Lekotalekotalekota Youdaman Lekota.

"That's why he got on so well with Thabo Mbeki," she said. "Thabo also had an imaginary friend. Two, actually. Funny little pixies, one on each shoulder, and they'd tell him what to do and what to say, and he grew to love them very much."

Asked what their names had been, she said she thought they might have been called Essop and Aziz Pahad.

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