Dalai Lama gets 385 million more votes than Trevor Manuel

After asking 'Who is the Dalai Lama?' last week, Finance Minister Trevor Manuel has been informed that the Tibetan is in fact the spiritual leader of 400 million people, or roughly 385 million more than voted for the ANC. Manuel has also been given a set of encyclopedias to bulk up his general knowledge, which colleagues describe as "just a gaping hole".

Manuel's question, asked at a conference where he was trying to explain the semantic difference between being China's whore and being China's bitch, added more fuel to the fire of controversy surrounding South Africa's barring of the Dalai Lama.

The comment also sent shockwaves through the financial world as market observers wondered what else Manuel didn't know.

"If he has to ask who the Dalai Lama is, does he even know how to feed himself?" asked a worried Finance Ministry insider who asked not to be named as he did not want to be sent to China for re-education.

"As far as we can tell, Trevor thinks the Dalai Lama is the main character from a Broadway musical called 'Hello Dalai'.

"It is very awkward."

However the exiled Tibetan government has asked the South African public to be patient with its Finance Minister, saying that he could not help it if his general knowledge matched that of a bush of geraniums.

It said it was sending him a set of encyclopedias with 'Tibet', 'Dalai Lama' and 'human rights' dog-eared in the hope that Manuel would "one day figure out the difference between 15 million voters and 385 million believers".

Manuel's office said the minister was grateful for the gift as he had started taking strain having to formulate fiscal policy using Chappies wrappers as reference material.

According to Finance Ministry spokesman Shekels Mpundu, the controversy had put Manuel in a very uncomfortable position.

"As Finance Minister, Mr Manuel is the farm-hand who has to milk the Chinese dragon," explained Mpundu. "Basically he has to massage dragon-teats all day.

"When he comes home he's too sticky and tired to read up on world events. All he wants to do is have his dinner, watch Desperate Housewives on the PVR, phone Beijing and ask permission to go to bed, and go to bed.

"People should understand that and cut the guy some slack."

Link Dalai Lama gets 385 million more votes than Trevor Manuel