JOHANNESBURG. Women across the country have thanked their menfolk for reminding them of their place in South African society, saying that Women's Day was a "wonderful and timely reminder" that the other 364 days of the year belong to men. They added that the day has inspired them to try to be more like men, and they hope one day to earn a second day.
Women's Day is a relatively new public holiday in South Africa, instituted after the country's men realised that they could cram more sexual violence into their year if their partners stayed at home an extra day.
"She's easier to beat up if she's pottering around in the kitchen," explained one of the inventors of the day, Stanley "The Hammer" Molephe.
"Plus, if you have a Women's Day, it's implied that the other 364 days are Men's Day.
"So it kind of kills two birds with one stone.
"Or concusses one bird with one half-brick, as the case may be."
His wife was unable to comment as she is currently in traction and "not taking visitors, ever again, in case she tries to escape in a suitcase".
Meanwhile those women who were not in traction have echoed Molephe's sentiments, saying that they were grateful for a whole day dedicated to them, on which they could pamper the men in their lives.
"Feminism isn't dead," cooed one housewife who wished to remain anonymous, largely because she could not remember her name. "It can't be dead because it never lived."
Her neighbour, who has produced two sons and nothing else, agreed.
"I wish these lesbian bull-dykes with their careers and their atheistic ideas would just stop being so arrogant and get back to traditional values."
Asked what "traditional values" were, she explained that they were "whatever men wanted".
She praised large supermarkets like Pick n Pay for reinforcing women's status in society by still placing women's and babies' toiletries in one aisle while men's toiletries got a separate aisle.
"It's a healthy reminder that women are effectively babies," she said. "We need to be fed, clothed, even burped by our menfolk.
"Maybe, if we love, honour and obey them enough, and don't force them to kill us by being irritating or making eye contact, we might get our own aisle one day. How awesome would that be?"
Meanwhile the government has confirmed that today is Man's Day. Tomorrow will be Man's Day also. The rest of the year will be Man's Day. It has urged women who have a problem with this to stop being hysterical, and to consider the possibility that they are anxious because they don't have a baby to care for, or that they are premenstrual.
http://www.hayibo.com/
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