We don't need no education

Article By: The Point

The Point has been dabbling in a little mathematics. And by dabbling I mean groping aimlessly in the dark and by mathematics I mean numbers generally... and the Fibonacci sequence specifically.

Ah, you see how I casually threw that out there — the product of a misspent youth. Or, to be more honest, far too many episodes of 'Criminal Minds'.

So, back to those Fibonacci numbers. This is the sequence:

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55...

Basic principle: each number is the sum of the two previous numbers. This brings me to the point — a South African Fibonacci sequence for the week.

0: John Hlophe (call ups to the Constitutional Court bench);
1: SA police (the number of times crimes stats have been released in the past year);
1: Jacob Zuma (maiden speech at the UN);
2: Julius Malema (current count of charges against him);
3: Wives of Jacob Zuma (well, that's pretty self-explanatory);
5: Springboks (number of games won in the Tri-Nations);
8: Pius Langa (number of years since he was appointed deputy chief justice);
13: Blade Nzimande (number of times he has insisted he is, in fact, a communist);
21: Helen Zille (the number of times she uttered Jacob Zuma's name this week);
34: Leonard Chuene (number of lies told about Caster Semenya);
55: Michel Hulley (the number of times he's tried to get JZ out of trouble).

Okay, okay... I confess, from 13 down they're all just approximations. But hey, who said journalists could count?

WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION

So, he pops up at spot number four in my sequence, but, really, you could probably put him anywhere. Yip, I am talking about the invaluable Julius Malema. The consistency with which he provides fodder for humour is truly remarkable.

If mention of the chubby-one's name causes you to break out in a sweat, froth at the mouth and start biting the furniture, I advise you to simply skip over this section. If the symptoms continue, then you may have rabies. There's nothing I can do about that.

Right, back to this week's double whammy of Malema-madness. Yip, not only was he in court, he also threw a big bash at his Sandton home and may or may not have assaulted a grumbling neighbour.

Let's begin with that court appearance.

In his testimony, Malema whined (like a petulant child) that instead of helping to educate him the women's rights organisation dragged him to court.

"They should have seen an opportunity to educate a young man... I must say I am highly disappointed... the first opportunity they saw to educate a young man, was to rush to court."

Ah, yes, but Malema assumes that the young man in question can actually be educated.

"I'm not an expert. I'm a layman who can only respond to the utterances I've made. On statistics… it's something you have to argue with your learned friend [his lawyer]. I know nothing about statistics. That's why I didn't even bother myself to read this document… which I would not (have) the capacity to do."

I think that proves my point. But, just in case you're not convinced, here's what he had to say after his party.

"If there was going to be any beating surely it was not going to be done by me. It is really unfair to try and paint us as a wrong picture. "

Hmm… that's a little ambiguous. Is he suggesting that he, the former child-soldier, is incapable of beating someone, or is he suggesting that now he gets his henchmen to do his dirty work?

"Even after the party, we cleaned up everything so there should not be any accusations that there were bottles all over and there were condoms."

Well, I think we can take a positive out of this: condoms reduce the chances of procreation.

WELCOME TO GANGSTA'S PARADISE

When she wasn't sending her cronies to spy on Malema (yes, he really said that), the Zillenator was frothing at the mouth over JZ's lawyer's latest attempts to pervert the course of justice. There is also the possibility that she had just read a newspaper containing the most recent tidbits from Malemamunchkin.

"The latest move by President Zuma's lawyers demonstrates once again how important it is not to be beguiled by the president's personal charm. His public relations will not protect the Constitution. In fact, it is a convenient smokescreen behind which the assault on the Constitution continues unabated."

Ah, see, she's falling for his personal charms. Zumilla: you read it here first.

"We are sinking into a kind of gangsterism when the decisions of the state justice system depend not on the law but on party intrigue."

Despite the impending descent into gangsterism, Zuma seemed to be pretty firm on the rule of law.

"The extreme manner in which some of our citizens tend to express their grievances lately is totally unacceptable. We cannot continue to loot shops, burn tyres, throw garbage on our streets, blockade roads, damage property, or, most disturbingly, march in violation of court orders, to voice your dissatisfaction."

Perhaps this is the smokescreen.

MISSING THE IRONY

Earlier this week, the US shut down its embassy and consulates in the face of some mysterious threat. The South African government, worried that this would scare tourists and investors off, issued the following statement.

"Obviously, the closure of the embassies is not something that is a good thing because it creates an impression that we are not a safe country... We want to reassure the public that South Africa is indeed a safe country."

This in the week that they finally released the crime statistics. I suspect the fact that 50 people are murdered every day will hold a little more sway than the temporary closure of the embassy of a country paranoid about national security.