By: David Bullard - 5 November 2009
Did you read that this year's Mo Ibrahim Award for good governance in Africa won't be awarded because the committee couldn't find anyone who deserved it? Probably not, because the dead tree media was full of salacious gossip about South Africa's very own Posh and Becks (God help us), Joost and Amor. Amor apparently farts like a horse when she is nervous according to a recently published book about her. She also doesn't like rugby. I also fart like a horse and am ambivalent towards the game of rugby as I explained recently. The difference is that Amor is suing the author of the book for R1m for mentioning this flatulent failing, coincidentally just before the launch of a book about her husband's amnesia about snorting coke and receiving sexual favours from an obliging young lass of 24. When this story first broke, Joost denied that it was him in the video saying the guy in the video was better endowed. That set the alarm bells ringing for me. When has an Afrikaner, and a rugby player to boot, ever admitted that another guy is better endowed? Hopefully this sordid little publicity stunt will push sales of the book.
Where was I? Oh yes, I was explaining why you probably wouldn't have read anything sensible about the Mo Ibrahim award in the dead tree media because of their obsession with Julius Malema and mindless trivia (some would argue it's the same thing).
Below: Former president of Botswana Festus Mogae during a last rally before the general elections. Mr Mogae was named the recipient of the 2008 Mo Ibrahim prize in London.
Mr Ibrahim, in an attempt to encourage outdated qualities like honesty, good governance, a willingness to bugger off when you've had your turn as president and showing a commendable restraint when it comes to getting your goons to smash your political enemy's head in with a machete, hands out £3m a year to the African political leader who best demonstrates these qualities. It's a wonderful gesture on Mr Ibrahim's part even if it does show him as something of a misty eyed optimist. Anyone who encourages good governance on the continent of Africa has my vote but very few do. Corporates like to pretend that they support transparency and above board dealing but they are the first to slip a large bribe into the right political hands. Just consider some of the blue chip names who are "alleged" to have persuaded our own politicians to buy this jet or that submarine. Small wonder that none of our senior politicians in the ruling party seem keen to open up the debate on the arms deal. It might spoil things for the next lot.
And what about the ANC Yoof league's cosy relationship with the late Brett Kebble? Was that condemned by senior party members? Was it hell. If memory serves I remember the presidential rottweiller, Essop Pahad, almost leaping on the man's coffin at his funeral to warn against telling tales about the dead. The yoof league are merely the nursery slopes for the real thing. If you can learn to acquire wealth in unusual ways there then you are likely to be elevated to the grand trough of arms deals. One story I would love to read in the dead tree media is how Julius and the boys fund their lavish lifestyles. After all, a Mercedes C63 AMG is not a cheap car to buy or run. Who is the new Brett Kebble?
It's tragedy enough that nobody on the entire continent of Africa was deemed worthy of the Mo Ibrahim award. It's even more of a tragedy that this country seems to be sliding inexorably towards a system that favours dodgy dealing. These days you don't even have to be openly dishonest to be a beneficiary. Even public servants are given telephone number amounts of cash as a thank you for not being too much of a thorn in the side to the government in the job they have just vacated. In this country we splash the cash to all sorts of deserving causes. If you're really lucky you can cock up the running of an entire parastatal and walk away as rich as a rock star.
Maybe that's the problem. Perhaps Mo needs to up the amount. Who really gives a damn about winning the Mo Ibrahim award (with sniggers from other African leaders and talk of being a goody goody just an added deterrent) and a cash prize of just under R40m to blow? You can get multiples of that just by buying aircraft we don't need from the Brits.
Since Mo Ibrahim is never going to be able to afford to pay more than what a smallish arms deal yields maybe he should consider dumping the project and give up on the fruitless search for a credible African politician. The money would be better spent on people who are not politicians. There are plenty of remarkable South Africans of all races who do much more to create a better world than do the politicians. They don't drive around in fancy BMWs paid for by the taxpayer or have lunches costing R100 000. They just get on with difficult tasks in very difficult circumstances. They are the people who deserve an award and a pile of cash. Or preferably, just the cash.
*After 24 years as a trader in the global financial markets David Bullard decided to opt for an easy life and became a journalist. His iconic "Out to Lunch" column has been running for 15 years and is as offensive as ever. Not that he gives a damn...
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