Jacob Zuma broke with tradition on Thursday night when he delivered his state of the nation address after lights out, saying he did his best work in the dark. During his landmark speech Zuma declared the country to be surprisingly fecund, pregnant with possibility and with a cervix that was ripe for service delivery.

Zuma went on to stress that 2010 would be a year of both labour and action. "And by that the President probably means he wants to get on top of his work," explained political analyst Scrutiny Gwala.

During his speech Zuma said, "The defining feature of this administration will be that it knows where people live, understands their needs, and responds faster."

Gwala said the statement was not meant as a threat but a promise.

"Although it's easy to see why people might be afraid," he added in a hushed voice. "How does he know where I live?

"It's sounds like the sort of claim you find in the personal column of a newspaper," he said, "but I suppose it could mean other things as well."

Aside from smutty double-entendres and veiled promises to the women-folk of South Africa, Zuma also said his government was planning to reduce crime by taking criminals off the street and incorporating them into the police force.

"We are implementing plans to increase the number of police men and women by 10% over the next three years," he said, adding that it didn't matter how you got the criminals off the street as long as you did.

He said criminals would have nothing to fear as the South African Police Service offered excellent opportunities for people trained in the arts of gun crime, bribery and extortion.

Explaining the decision, Gwala said criminals would probably be free to continue with their usual antics, only now they would have to wear a uniform and pay a portion of their take to the boss.

"It's why they call him the Commissioner," he said.


hayibo.com

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