So it turns out Thabo Mbeki couldn’t even organize a half-decent career-sabotaging conspiracy. Really, what is leadership coming to when it can’t knife its political opponents in the back without tripping over its shoelaces?
The good news is that Msholozi is now going to be President, which guarantees us at least ten years of awesome fodder for satire. The songs, the dance routines, the denials, the showers, the weekly Malema-isms… But now it’s on to the breaking news, and today there’s a tearful one-on-one with Msholozi who is being shunted into a crumby job he never wanted…
PRETORIA. A tearful Jacob Zuma has spoken for the first time of the anguish of being suspected of corruption, saying that even though charges have been dropped, allegations have left him "almost unemployable". "I send out CV's and nobody responds," said Zuma. "No-one takes my calls. People look away on the street. The only job I'm qualified for is that of President."
Zuma said that the decision by the National Prosecuting Authority to drop corruption charges against him was a relief, but that he was now having to answer "tricky questions" at cocktail parties.
"People ask me why I kept demanding my day in court while working tirelessly to ensure I never got my day in court," said Zuma.
"But I ask them: is it my fault Mbeki's smear tactics were more incompetent than mine?"
He said he hoped the public would come to see things his way, possibly with the help of a massive re-education programme to be introduced once he is President.
However, he said, the initial joy of the NPA's decision had faded as he begins to face the reality of a tough job market, limited skills, and a stained reputation.
"I went to a career advisor, just to see what my options are," explained Zuma. "He looked at my qualifications and suggested I could become a plumbers' apprentice.
"He asked me what I knew about showers, and I'm sorry but that's just a really unkind thing to say to someone who's been through what I have."
He said he was feeling increasingly marginalized as prospective employers returned his resume unopened, refused to answer his calls and cancelled interviews.
"They say the position has been filled or that I'm not quite what they're looking for," said Zuma, fighting back tears. "But I know it's the corruption thing.
"And also maybe because Julius comes to the interviews with me and threatens to kill them if they don't give me the job. But it's probably more the corruption thing."
He said he was starting to suspect that the only job he was qualified for was that of the President of South Africa.
"I sometimes feel that I'm being pushed towards the Presidency," sobbed Zuma. "It's not what I want. I always wanted to be choreographer.
"But Julius and Blade and Gwede and all of them keep saying, 'No, Msholozi, you are born to lead! Come on, Msholozi, your people need you to give them hope, and we need you to give us the keys to the Treasury!'
"It's so confusing."
However, he said he was "fairly confident" that he was qualified to be President of South Africa.
"All you have to do is wave and deny stuff," he said. "I think I can do that."
Source - http://www.hayibo.com/
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