PRETORIA. As Jacob Zuma prepares to become President of South Africa, the world's leading manufacturers of assault rifles are hoping he will name their brand as part of his acceptance speech at Saturday's inauguration. According to the weapons manufactures, having Zuma sing "Bring me my M-16" or "Bring me my Uzi" will be worth billions.
Zuma swept to the country's highest office on a wave of populist rhetoric, with his campaign song of 'Awlethu Mshini Wami' – Zulu for "bring me my machine gun" – a key factor in making up what pundits have referred to as the minds of the electorate.
However the charismatic leader, who holds a Platinum Certificate in both Jive and Tango from the Gladys Ngwenya School of Dance in Nkandla, has been tight-lipped about the specific make of machine gun he wants handed to him.
This morning some of the world's largest producers of assault rifles confirmed that they were wooing Zuma ahead of his inauguration on Saturday.
According to Ari Blatzschmertz, CEO of Golgotha Systems that makes the Uzi submachine gun, the public image of assault rifles needed to be rehabilitated.
"A lot of people think assault rifles are for killing," said Blatzschmertz. "They're not. They're for defence. In fact we don't even like to call them assault rifles any more. We prefer 'personal magazine-fed self-defence contingency systems'.
"It's time to get these contingency systems back into the broader society, and Mr Zuma could be key in helping bring about that change."
Heinrich Lochenlode, designer of the iconic American M-16 assault rifle, said that Zuma's public stature offered weapons manufacturers a unique opportunity.
"Mr Zuma is the only head of state anywhere in the world who publicly endorses assault rifles, and whose electorate love him for doing so. The rise of Mr Zuma is a major step forward in the rebranding of modern personal killing options."
He urged Zuma to reject the traditional AK-47.
"I know the ANC has a Stalinist history and that a lot of them trained in the Soviet Union, and that's fine, but we have to accept that from a branding perspective the AK-47 is very much a retro look," said Lochenlode.
He said the AK-47 was now associated with "greasy Latin-American dudes with molester moustaches shooting up bunches of bananas" and that it was time to "move away from that image".
Both Lochenlode and Blatzschmertz said they could offer Zuma special commemorative weapons if he chose to name their brand on Saturday.
"Yes, we're looking at doing a special Uzi called the MsholUzi," said Blatzschmertz. "It's got a leopard print theme, and optional shower-head attachment."
Lochenlode said that while his firm would make M-16s for all senior ANC officials, he was particularly pleased with the weapon he was making for ANC Youth League President Julius Malema.
"It fires blanks and kills its targets metaphorically," he explained.
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