ANC, with 15 million votes and new warships, frightened by cartoon

PRETORIA. Party insiders have confirmed that despite having a guaranteed two-thirds majority in the next election, the entire GDP at its disposal, R30-billion worth of high-tech weaponry, and complete control of the national broadcaster, the ANC has been "badly frightened" by a controversial cartoon by Jonathan Shapiro depicting the rape of South Africa's justice system by Jacob Zuma.

The cartoon appeared over the weekend in the Sunday Times and immediately unleashed a storm of activity at the ANC's headquarters in Luthuli House, where an alert level of 'Mshini Wami 4' was declared.

It was the first time Luthuli House has gone to 'Mshini Wami 4', the previous highest being 'Mshini Wami 2', declared in 2006 after Zuma had his account with Amazon.com suspended over late payment for a consignment of books which included the collected works of Freud and an illustrated beginner's guide to the work of Germaine Greer.

Addressing the Luthuli House press corps this morning, party spokesman Doughnut Phiri said that Shapiro needed to be "eliminated, destroyed or killed, both literally and/or metaphorically and/or metaphysically, or whichever one we are allowed to do by the Human Rights Commission".

Asked why the ANC and its allies had chosen to present an outraged united front against a solitary cartoonist rather than against Aids, crime, or the abuse of women, Phiri said that Shapiro was "more dangerous than Aids, criminals and women combined".

He declined to explain how this was the case, but said it was "logical to everyone but racists and counter-revolutionaries".

He added that the state could still decide to pursue Shapiro "with everything at its disposal".

This included four corvettes, one manned submarine and two unmanned submarines on bricks, six Swedish fighter jets flown by pilots leased from the Botswana Air Force, an oral poet named SlamSista Mzanzi, 15 million loyal voters, and a slightly soiled copy of the Constitution.

Shapiro could not be reached for comment this morning as he is currently in New York attending a United Nations-sponsored conference called 'South African Leadership: An Oxymoron For Our Times'.

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