The Minister of Ekstreemly Basik Edukashin, Angie Motshekga has defended her decision to delay the issuing of Matric certificates while she redesigns them with a more prominent national crest, saying that South African education is "all about badges and shiny things you can stick on your report card to compensate for stuff you don't know".
The Minister, whose department has vowed to stamp out child literacy by 2010, said that her widely publicized redesign of the Matric certificate was at the forefront of South African education policy.
"Each ANC administration since 1994 has developed its own unique approach to the scourge of child literacy," explained Basik Edukashin spokesman Mr Chips Direko.
"Madiba started this wonderful journey with the mass retrenchment of veteran teachers and the introduction of Outcomes Based Education, which is a system where drunk sexual offenders called "educators" try to beat answers out of 14-year-olds who have never been taught how to read.
"Under Comrade Mbeki we continued to enjoy the fruits of OBE and the mass purge of qualified teaching staff, while we focused more intently on teaching our children the three R's: rights, racism and revisionism."
But, he said, Jacob Zuma's administration was breaking from the past and focusing more on stationery that actual teaching.
"Minister Motshekga has realised that education starts and ends in the embossed bits of certificates," said Direko.
"So what if Matrics have had to wait over 9 months for their certificates? Don't they understand that with a greatly enlarged crest on their documents they'll automatically be more educated?"
He said that in light of her recent breakthrough into the correlation between stationery embossing and academic achievement, Motshekga had just ordered 50 billion Noddy Badges which would dramatically raise the value of a South African education.
"Let's say for example that you're a factory owner with a government contract to turn Arms Deal documents into popped rice breakfast cereals that is distributed to school feeding schemes," said Direko.
"Who are you going to hire? The 18-year-old who can't read, write or count? Or the 18-year-old who can't read, write or count but who has a giant crest on a piece of paper and a lapel jangling with Noddy Badges?
"Exactly."
hayibo.com
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