SA taxpayers to get 9% tax hike, 0% service hike

The South African government has confirmed that the country's tiny pool of taxpayers can expect a 9 percent increase in income tax and yet another 0 percent increase in the services they receive for their money. According to a spokesman, the extra revenue would be spent on ministerial safety, ministerial legal aid, and ministerial take-out.

According to the South African Revenue Service there are 5.3 million taxpayers in the country, however, just 1.2 million of these pay 75 percent of all tax collected.

According to government tax advisor Caesar Augustus Dipoko, the situation was unsustainable.

"The ANC government is all about delivery," he explained. "Delivery of pizzas and KFC buckets to ministerial residences; delivery of customized BMWs to ministerial garages; delivery of airline tickets to MPs; delivery of brown paper bags full of non-sequential unmarked US dollars to arms dealers.

"If only 1 million people are footing the bill for these nation-building investments, we might soon have to start thinking the unthinkable."

Asked if was referring to mass emigration by middle-class taxpayers, economic collapse and civil war, Dipoko said he was in fact referring to ministers having to drive Japanese cars and shopping at Checkers.

"Next thing you'll be expecting them to send their kids to state schools!" he laughed.

He explained that the ANC could not tolerate a "cynical and racist onslaught on our hard-won freedom to spend other people's money", and would therefore be raising income tax by 9 percent.

He said that the 9 percent hike would come with the customary zero percent hike in services, which currently number zero.

However, he had words of encouragement for the 5 million South Africans who subsidize the other 45 million.

"If you feel resentful at having to pay income tax and get nothing in return for it except veiled racial threats of class wars from our Education Minister, then perhaps consider that you're not actually paying income tax," he said.

"Income tax is a tax you pay in return for certain services. So by definition you're not paying income tax.

"Perhaps just consider it a compulsory contribution to nation building."

hayibo.com