CAPE TOWN. An elite Cape Town private school has confirmed that the Matric class that ran amok last week will be punished by making them talk to a black person and appear in public with either a Jew or a Muslim. The schoolboys have been granted a farewell dance but they will not be allowed to take anorexic blonde partners as has been the case since 1903.
The school, which has asked Hayibo.com not to name it as its pupils and staff face enough ridicule on a day-to-day basis for having underdeveloped chins, made headlines last week after its senior class ran through the school damaging property and leaving behind lewd graffiti.
According to an unnamed source, the violence had included "sexual abuse of a statue of Cecil John Rhodes in the Empire Memorial Quad, and the theft from the Chapel of a ceremonial dominatrix paddle used by headmasters since 1877".
This morning the current headmaster, who has been at the school since he was a fetus, said that the perpetrators would be harshly dealt with.
"I have instructed Matron to tell Mumsy to communicate it to Crispin the school factotum to tell the boys that we will not tolerate this kind of violence," said the headmaster.
"Unless of course it is standard homoerotic bullying sanctioned by the school's governing body, which this wasn't," he added.
He said that the punishment, to be meted out immediately, was intended to give the boys "a taste of real life beyond the ivy-covered walls of our Mother School" and would require them to "approach and speak to, for a period not exceeding half an hour, a genuine black person of African extraction, as well as appearing in a public space with a person of either Hebrew or Mohammedan extraction".
However, he said, the most severe punishment would involve the Matric farewell dance.
He explained that anorexic bottle-blonde women were the norm in the school's community, "understandably, as they are really the only things worth breeding with".
However he said that this year the boys would be barred from bringing their regular partners to the dance, and would be required to bring girls who were "disturbingly normal, both in body shape and hair colour".
He said that the boys had been nauseated to learn that most women didn't have knee-bones that were wider than their thighs and didn't have shoulder blades that protruded enough to sever bra straps.
He added that some of the boys, "the clever, poor ones who are here on scholarships", had encountered "fat brunettes" before, and were often related to them, but he said that the rest of the boys were "severely shocked". However he said the school was beyond sympathy.
Meanwhile the reaction from the boys' girlfriends has been one of outrage and despair.
Tammy Rommel-Hess, 18, of Berchtesgaden Golf Estate in Bishopscourt, said that she and many of her friends had been working on their eating disorders for years, and that it would now all be a waste of countless hours spent hunched over the toilet.
"It was all part of a complex plan," she sobbed.
"Go to the Matric Dance, get married, have a son, and a back-up daughter in case the son needs an organ transplant, do modeling, run an art gallery in a mall, and finally emigrate to London."
Now, she said, her "dream was in tatters".
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